


A Child at Heart

by JinxedTiger



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Adorable Bilbo, Age Regression/De-Aging, BOFTA killed me, Cutesy, Don't Judge Me, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, How Do I Tag, I Blame Tumblr, I Don't Even Know, Kid Fic, My First AO3 Post, Sassy Bilbo, also on fanfiction.net, basically protective everyone, i love them, it me, mostly the princes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-25
Updated: 2016-10-25
Packaged: 2018-03-19 14:39:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 24,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3613701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JinxedTiger/pseuds/JinxedTiger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the "Troll Incident" Bilbo can't help but feel hated by certain members of the Company. Bilbo has to deal with certain circumstances that aren't entirely his fault. After all it never is... But some sorry words exchanged make for quite a different adventure hmmm? No thanks to a wizard in grey robes and a stupid pointy hat... now  the Company has to deal with an extra sassy Bilbo who is not dealing with your crap! </p><p>On hiatus until further notice</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Oh Dear

**Author's Note:**

> Aight here we go I'm actually super scared.  
> First Hobbit fanfiction and I'm broken inside.  
> Anyway enjoy, especially if you need silly hobbitses and dwarvses.

Bilbo had probably just sighed for the third time since it happened. He'd been waiting outside the cave entrance with Fili and Kili and couldn't help recall the narrowed eyes he received from a certain leader of the company after the trolls were indisposed.

"Come on Master Baggins cheer up! You did just face down three trolls and live to talk about it!" Fili stated, albeit rather loudly as he slung an arm across the hobbit's shoulders. He was about to retort when another arm was slung across his shoulders on his other side and looked to see Kili nodding in agreement with his brother.

"Really Master Boggins, those trolls woulda cooked up half the company if ya hadn't distracted 'em!" Kili gave a pat to his shoulder while looking their Burglar right in the eyes.

Bilbo caught another sigh in his throat as he decided to smile widely at the brothers. "Really boys, it's not that I'm upset with how things went about, I'm simply tired from the whole ordeal, what with missing dinner and not getting any sleep last night..." He looked up at Fili to see him looking rather guilty and waved his arms about wildly, "not that it's a real hindrance I'll be just find don't you worry boys! Still plenty of energy to keep me up and about for the day."

Well, he wasn't lying per se, he felt he could continue on easily enough, he just didn't need to win another scowl from a certain dwarf. Speaking of, he had a feeling he and Gandalf just entered into another minor altercation when he heard "You could not wish for a finer-!" something or other from within. He chanced a look to the cave entrance for not but a few moments.

Fili and Kili shared a look behind Bilbo and communicated via brotherly intuition... (Don't know how else to put it really...)

Kili squinted.

Fili half shrugged.

Kili raised a brow.

Fili nodded.

Kili looked to Bilbo and blinked at Fili.

Fili blinked back and shook his head at Kili and stepped up beside the hobbit and looked down to him and said "Master Baggins." This caught his attention as he looked up to the eldest of Thorin's nephews. "Regardless of some members of the Company's opinion, me and Kili believe the way you handled the trolls was fantastic. Maybe we're biased for sending you in there in the first place, however we know you did incredibly considering the circumstances and I apologize for risking you in such a way." With that he bowed slightly which caused Bilbo to blink a few times.

"Really Master Fili, no need to apologize, I was foolish enough to listen to you two great oafs!" He chuckled lightly along with the brothers. "And thank you boys... for making me feel better about that."

Kili shook his head vigorously. "Now none of that Master Boggins! You're part of the Company, and we'll keep an eye on ya from now on. The others'll come around and see just how smart ya were with those lumbering beasts!"

Fili snorted, "Not sure I can say the same for you dear brother, with how you went on not getting so much as a hint to Master Baggins' plan to keep us from bein' eaten."

Kili leveled a glare, "Excuse me for feeling more insulted from being told I was 'infested with parasites' when I am, in fact, NOT! I keep myself clean as possible at all times!" He crossed his arms over his chest with a final harrumph. Bilbo trying to hide his laughs behind his hand.

Fili rolled his eyes and muttered, "Coulda fooled me-" and was about to be tackled by his brother when the rest of the Company emerged from the cave. Gandalf led Bilbo a little furthers away and handed him an elvish blade.

He shakes his head and makes to hand the blade back to Gandalf, "I can't take this."

"That sword is of elvish make and will glow blue when orcs or goblins are nearby. Take it." Pushing it back to the hobbit who looks flustered.

"I have never used a sword in my life, Gandalf." Looking up to the Grey Pilgrim with light eyes.

"And I hope you never have to. But if you do, remember this: true courage is knowing not when to take a life, but when to spare one." He finished with patting the hobbit on the shoulder and turning to leave. Bilbo looked to the blade now resting in his hands and was startled out of awe by a crashing noise from within the forest. Bilbo went to the noise and soon discovered a short man in a brown cloak with... is that bird droppings in his hair? He and Gandalf were conversing silently with the dwarves surrounding them.

"Who is he?" Bilbo had asked once he was behind Bofur. Bofur looked at him and shook his head, a light smile on his face.

"That there is Radagast," He looked back and saw the confused look on his face, " I know, I was expecting someone a little more... erm-"

"put together?" Bilbo had piped up. Bofur nodded and 'aye'd. "I thought the wizards were to be more... well yes, put together."

Bofur shrugged, "Well with what Gandalf said, he does prefer the company o' animals to others so I doubt he'll care on others' opinions. By the way Mister Bilbo, thanks for doing what ya did with those trolls back there."

Bilbo looked back to Bofur looking rather red. "Really I didn't do all that much Master Bofur, just trying to stall-"

"And stall ya did! Without that head o' yours," the dwarf took the point to poke the hobbit in the forehead, "we'd be cooked on a spit and Bombur'd be in a trolls belly!"

Bilbo swatted his hand and huffed, "Alright, alright! I stalled and we're all in one piece," he sighed, "you, and Masters Fili and Kili are making me feel like some hero at this point, it's odd."

Bofur ruffled his hair, "Nothin' odd 'bout it Master Baggins, really, think 'igher o' yourself, the others'll come 'round soon enough!" Bilbo looked at him past his mussed hair in his eyes and held back another sigh.

"Master Bofur, please just call me Bilbo, it's easier after all and titles are exhausting," And he watched Bofur bark a laugh.

"Only if ya do the same for me Mast- erm Bilbo, don't glare! It'll take some gettin' used to!" He scolded to the hobbit who was, in fact, glaring at him.

"Alright then, I'll see to it Ma- Bofur-" And would have scowled at Bofur's laugh had a howl not sounded in the air. "Was that a wolf?" He looked around and back to Bofur who shook his head.

"No thatis not a wolf-" Just then a warg flew from a place on the hill behind them and dashed forward only to get stuck in the neck by an arrow Kili had fired. It squirmed on the ground until Dwalin bashed an axe in it's skull. Bilbo was too stunned, looking at the warg before him to notice the one that leapt from the brush. "Bilbo!"

He turned to see it and was pulled, back to Bofur's chest, as it jumped for him. He saw its paw slash across his chest before it landed not far from him. His chest burned as the warg made to pounce again before Fili stabbed it in the eye with a dagger as Kili shot it in the head so it fell limp and lifeless to the ground.

Bilbo was dazed and tuned out most of the argument only catching bits and pieces once in a while,

"-you tell-"

"-being hunted-"

"-get out of here-"

"-they bolted-"

"-outrun you!"

Bilbo's chest burned and ached from the claw marks, he found himself clutching his torso and looking down to the gash. He raised his head again and caught Fili Kili and Bofur were the only ones to be watching him with concerned eyes. He mouthed 'just a scratch' to the three and wasn't surprised when they frowned at him.

"These are Rhosgobell rabbits," Radagast puffed his chest to Gandalf's brow being raised, "I'd like to see them try."

<3<3<3

The Company of Thorin Oakenshield found themselves running along the plains and out of the forest where Radagast was to lead the warg pack away.

Fili and Kili had made it quite clear they wouldn't be leaving Bilbo out of arms reach. But for Yavanna's sake! They didn't have to stuff him between themselves! And with Bofur in front making sure not to get themselves caught into trouble he felt like a fauntling!

Radagast just passed by on his rabbit driven sleigh and the sounds of the wargs caused the dwarves, hobbit and wizard to crouch behind a rock pile as they passed. A warg and its rider sat atop the rocks as the rider unsheathed it's blade, jagged and looked to be quite unfriendly.

Thorin looked to Kili and nodded to him. Kili squeezed Bilbo's shoulder and smiled to the hobbit before placing an arrow on his bow, taking a breath, and stepping out to get a better shot at their problem. The arrow was released and embedded into the warg's side as it toppled, but not without releasing howls of rage and agony. The rider fell from its mount and was just rising when it was slashed by a number of members of the company and the warg stabbed through by a rather angry looking Bifur.

They knew they were now the center of attention to the orcs and made haste through the plains, knowing full well they were being gained on with every step. They reached another grouping of rocks and discovered Gandalf missing. By now Bilbo was just too tired to care if the dwarves he surrounded himself with thought Gandalf would simply abandon them.

"This way you fools!" His grey hat was sighted behind a rock and one by one the Company ran to the entrance. Bilbo slid down and was picked up by Bofur and Fili. Fili put a hand on his chest to steady him and drew back from the slight hiss the hobbit made.

"I'm fine Master Fili," He frowned when Fili scowled up at him. Kili came tumbling down and landed into Fili knocking them over and into a sprawl of limbs on the ground.

"Dammit Kili!" Fili shouted, his head under Kili's arm, "Does your grace as a prince of Durin not exist at all you oaf!" Kili kicked his brother in the side and made to get up by placing a fist in his brothers cheek.

"I have plenty of grace YOU just need to look out for someone that's tumbling down a rock formation!" They both stood now as Thorin ran down the hill. There was a loud clashing noise from above as an orc tumbled down as well but with an arrow lodged in it's head. Thorin made his way to the orc and dislodged the arrow and grunted.

"Elves."

<3<3<3

They made their way through the pathway Dwalin discovered and arrived to the most beautiful sight Bilbo had seen in weeks.

"Rivendell..." He breathed airily and found the princes on either side of him looking over him. "Honestly boys, if you do not stop looking at me like that, I'm telling Thorin you wish to spend more time with him." The brothers glared but remained silent.

Thorin and Gandalf were arguing AGAIN and soon Gandalf won out, but by the darkened expression, Thorin was far from pleased. They trudged on, and the brothers each had a hand on Bilbo's shoulders.

<3<3<3

The Company gathered in an empty space before a set of stairs.

"Mithrandir," A voice called and all looked up to see an elf walking gracefully down the steps. Bilbo couldn't help the small gasp that escaped him. The company around him, Gloin, Oin, Ori, and Nori looked to him confused. The princes holding his arms looked to him to see if it was a gasp of pain from his wound and Thorin glowered at him.

He glowered right back because honestly he was too tired, hungry, and sore to be putting up with the irritating dwarvish king and his hatred of all things involving the race of elves! Since Bilbo was a young boy he'd always wanted to meet one in person and he was doing so now! Honestly the gall of some races of Middle Earth!

Before he could continue fuming a horn sounded from behind and the dwarves created a defensive circle and the hobbit was unceremoniously shoved into the middle of it. The elves on horseback circled them and Bilbo couldn't help but be annoyed by it, 'it's giving these idiots a reason to not be trusting!'

"Gandalf" An elf called. He removed himself from his mount and went to hug said wizard. They had their own private conversation for some time before Thorin stepped forward and spoke along with them.

Bilbo heaved another sigh and was immediately faced with Bofur. "Ya alright there Bilbo?" he asked placing a hand on each shoulder.

He heaved another sigh, 'is it normal for dwarves to act this way?' he couldn't help wonder and looked Bofur straight in the eyes. "I'm tired Bofur. I'm hungry. I'm frustrated at three dwarves for being so worrisome..." He smiled to Bofur, "but I'm fine, those three dwarves shouldn't doubt me and my judgment. But finally I'm dirty and probably smell positively horrid." At this Bofur snorted and removed his hands.

"I'll agree with ya there Bilbo, I do believe we all do at this point." He looked back as the Company began moving out. "Well, better follow along... and ask Fili and Kili if there's important parts o' the conversation we missed."They both followed and caught up to Fili and Kili who were whispering to each other. "Alright boys." They snapped their heads up and looked to Bofur. "What exactly did me and our Burglar miss?"

They looked to each other and Kili spoke up, "Well Thorin's not happy with our host... along with most of the Company... as you can tell, but we'll be eatin' with the elves in a few hours and we're bein' showed to 'our rooms' but I don't think we'll be stayin' in 'em."

Bilbo couldn't help but growl and raise a brow. "And just why is that?" Kili couldn't help but step over a few inches as Bilbo was actually quite upset by the notion he wouldn't be on a real bed when it was so willingly offered.

"Well, uh, the Company just wants 'ta stay together and the rooms would be separate and all so we'll just... be..." He stopped speaking altogether at the pulsing aura of hate and malice that seeped from their hobbit, he could probably even make Dwalin flinch with that glare and the fact he was grinding his teeth together didn't help settle Kili's nerves. He clutched onto Fili's sleeve and glanced to his brother who looked equally concerned about his well being.

Bofur noticed too and stepped in, "If ya want 'ta Bilbo," He put a hand on the Burglar's shoulder and squeezed, "You could still stay in your room and then you'll have a nice bed and not be troubled with... howdja put it? Insufferability o' dwarves?" The hobbit looked back at him and twitched his lips, his eyes turning lighter.

"Yes I do believe that was it."

"I don't think Uncle Thorin'll go for it Master Boggins..." Kili muttered, and immediately regretted it as an icy glare was sent to him from darkening brown eyes. "Well, erm, it's just Uncle wants everyone in close quarters, keep a better eye on every one, you understand..." And was greeted by narrowing eyes that urged him to continue if he had a death wish. "...Right?" He couldn't help but add, using his famous wounded puppy eyes on the hobbit.

Fili interjected this time. "We'll all just stay with you then Master Baggins, then Thorin can't complain about you bein' by your lonesome, and you can rest right and proper in a nice warm bed." He turned his eyes to his brother, "isn't that right Kili?" Who nodded intensely.

Bilbo seemed to calm, "Even if Master Oakenshield denies the use of the bed chambers, I'm still going whether he likes it or not, whether he trusts the elves or not, and whether he doubts the safety of the rooms or not! I can finally sleep in a real bed and he will not be denying me such a wondrous thing!" He threw his arms in the air and the three around him nodded quickly, as to not provoke the hobbit further.

They reached the rooms and the elf, Lindir, they believed was his name, gestured to the hall and stated these were their rooms and how to find the dining hall. Thorin nodded to the elf who bowed and took his leave. Thorin turned to address the Company and did indeed say they wouldn't be staying in the rooms.

Before Bilbo could even think to go up and stab the irritating dwarf, Fili and Bofur grounded him and Bofur spoke, "Now Bilbo, I do believe ya spoke earlier of a much needed bath and Fili here just told me the baths were down a few doors on the left, why don't ya go for a soak and we'll talk 'bout the rooms with Thorin, hm?" The hobbit's eyes gleamed at the word bath and nodded to the two beside him, and took off.

Fili sighed, "Now then, Kili, you'll be talking to Thorin since you can just use your eye trick on him," Kili nodded. "And Bofur and me will talk to Gandalf about seein' to Master Baggins' wound, I bet that's why he's so grouchy and ready to slit something's throat..." All three nodded.

Bofur became a little confused however and asked, "Why not ask Oin to see to him? He's the deemed healer o' the Company after all..." The brothers shared a look and each shook their head.

"I don't think Master Boggins wants the others to know it's upsettin' 'im, and with Oin, he'll run 'is mouth and the Company'll doubt him or somethin'" Kili spoke like he absolutely knew their Burglar's viewpoint.

They nodded as one again and dispersed to complete their assigned tasks.

<3<3<3

Bilbo had just taken off his tattered shirt and placed it on the tiled floor of the bathroom. The water was warmed and he looked down and frowned. The four slashes across him went from mid left breast to just below the middle of his ribs. They bled but it wasn't gushing, no more than a scratch, he'd thought and he was right.

Those three worried themselves over something so little...He grumbled to himself on the worrisome three and was about to remove his trousers when the door suddenly opened and he squeaked and turned his head to glare daggers at who ever thought not to knock! The audacity!

Thorin appeared and he didn't seem at all troubled by the fact that he enter an occupied bathroom and was now looking to the hobbit, his lips in a thin line as he addressed him.

"Master Baggins," he began at seeing the hobbit look incredibly upset at him for some reason, and he couldn't help but wonder why. "It has come to my attention you wished to remain in the... elves " He all but spat the word, "rooms and while I disagree with it... my nephew has informed me he, Fili and Bofur will be staying to keep an eye on you..." He trailed off as the hobbit's eyes brighten at 'will be', "so you may stay in the room as long as there is always someone with you..." he drifted off again as the hobbit clasped his hands together and turned to face him positively ecstatic. His eyes were drawn to red adorning the hobbit's chest and looked down to spot the gash of red flesh marring his chest and growled, "And when did you become injured?"

Bilbo frowned, realizing he'd turned in his excitement and wanted to bash his head against a wall. He just had to turn didn't he? "It was when the wargs first arrived, I was, more focused on the first warg and hadn't noticed the second so it struck- oh confound it!" He threw his hands to his hair and dug his nails in his scalp, "It is a scratch! I am not in a pool of my own blood, dying on the very ground beneath me!" He sighed for probably the tenth time that day, dropping his arms to his sides and looked to the ground, "It's just a scratch," he muttered.

"Just a scratch," Thorin repeated, narrowing his eyes at the red adorning the Burglar.

Bilbo sighed and looked to the dwarf who was still watching his injury as if willing it to try something, "Yes, just a scratch, I'm just cleaning it, it will heal soon enough, there's no need to fuss over it." He placed a hand on his hip, daring Thorin to argue.

He looked up to the hobbit's eyes and closed his eyes nodding, "Very well, I'll trust your judgment on this, continue on to your bath, I'll take my leave." With that he turned and heard a sigh of content. Just as he was about to close the door he looked back and spoke, "Master Burglar," which earned him a groan from the Halfling who was facing away from him now, and he willed his lips not to twitch to a smirk. "I'll be speaking with you after dinner about your lack of proper communication, especially when it comes to wandering away from the Company." And before he could see Bilbo's ultimate death glare of doom he shut the door.

What a shame that chat wouldn't take place...

<3<3<3

With a disheartened sigh, Bilbo lifted himself from the cooling water and rose to find a cloth to dry himself. He took his time, ringing out his curly hair and rubbing his arms and legs, padding around the now scabbed flesh of his chest. He finally went to his bag to dawn a set of clothes, that hadn't been mauled by a warg, to wear.

He dressed himself and gathered his dirty attire in a bundle to carry, he'd clean them later, right now he just wanted food in his belly. It had been bad enough attempting to adjust to the dwarvish eating habit of only three meals a day, but what was unforgivable was that he'd gone near a day without a proper meal! Just then his stomach interrupted him and he threw the door open and checked the rooms for any signs dwarves had been there.

He finally found the lot of dwarves and three packs placed on the bed and placed his own clothes on the bed, unshouldered his pack, and placed his new and only weapon on the nightstand. He made his way to cross the room to Kili when it was thrown open.

It seems Bilbo had been cornered before dinner by a frowning wizard, Kili the prince,... and a wild Bofur and Fili appeared from behind Gandalf. He'd been startled by all accounts and was about to speak until Gandalf spoke. "And why did you feel such need to keep privy information such as your health from me?"

Bilbo scowled and looked to Fili and Bofur who suddenly found the ground to be quite captivating. The rest of the company aside from Thorin, seemed confused at the word health and seemed to wonder if the hobbit became sick. (Mind you no one was really paying attention when he was hit)

"Well Gandalf, seeing as how it is only scratch, I didn't wish to bother anyone with a non-fatal wound, it will heal all the same and does not need to be fussed with." He gave a large huff and crossed his arms over his chest and took a seat on the bed.

Gandalf narrowed his eyes and did not back down, "Shirt off now Master Baggins, I will not be argued with when it comes to matters of well being." He stepped forward and the room felt chillier.

"I will not! No one needs to be bothered with this and I will not have you use up precious energy to close up wounds that will be all but closed in a weeks time!" He rose from the bed and leveled another glare at the wizard and was met with one equally. Static could be felt in the air.

The wizard was not having it, "Bilbo Baggins, sit down now and remove your shirt so I may see this mere scratch and assess the damage for myself, even a scratch may become infected, and that is, in fact, quite hazardous to one's health." The hobbit remained standing and his own darkening aura made The princes and Bofur stand back.

"I will not! I can assess what damage befalls me on my own and need no second opinions! If I believe my wounds to be perfectly capable of healing on their own then they shall!" He finally shouted at the wizard and something in the air snapped.

Gandalf's grip on his staff tightened as he snapped at the hobbit before him, "Bilbo Baggins stop behaving like a child!" and with that he crashed his staff on the ground which had smoke leaping around a certain area of the room where the hobbit stood.

For a good while the room was silent as the smoke began to disperse.

Not everyone could see what the princes, Bofur and Gandalf could see. Bofur simply stared on looking positively mortified.

"Oh no," Kili muttered.

"Unbelievable," Fili quietly agreed. Throwing a hand to his forehead.

Thorin questioned from the other side of the room, "What? What have you done wizard?"

Gandalf simply stared on and let out an, "Oh dear."

The others looked on as the smoke cleared entirely... to now see the wee hobbit child.


	2. Oh No

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The reactions ;3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do what I want.

Bilbo Baggins was in fact a wee hobbit child. Unfortunately it seemed his clothes weren't his size anymore and his shirt was touching the ground.

The scene could actually be deemed comical with how every dwarf in the room was frozen in place and gaping at the place a full grown hobbit once stood. Gandalf was leaning on his staff, pondering how exactly this would play out.

Thorin blinked down at the small form a few feet away and looked to Gandalf. "Fix this wizard, just reverse it." The child looked up to him in confusion but looked around the room and his eyes landed on Gandalf.

"Master Gandalf!" He got up and ran over to the wizard, at first it seemed he was about to begin a fight, however he held fast onto his leg and looked up at the taller figure. "Master Gandalf I missed you!" He took a step back and punched the wizards leg, (lol "punched") and hugged the wizard again. "Stop leaving so long!" Gandalf blinked at him and knelt down very slowly and put a hand on Bilbo's head. The Company of Thorin Oakenshield was simply trying to process what exactly was transpiring.

Fili looked to Gandalf, "Gandalf what's goin' on?" At his voice the hobbit looked to him and around the room. Slowly he leaned closer and grabbed a handful of the wizard's robe and tugged.

"Master Gandalf,... who are they?" He tugged again at the robes of the wizard and dared not look away from the blonde figure not far off. Everyone around him seemed to frown and narrow their eyes at the scene before them.

The question caused the wizard to widen his eyes for a moment and it seemed he forced a smile, "My dear Bilbo Baggins, you do not know them?" At this Bilbo looked around again and squinted, trying hard to recognize them, and after a few moments shook his head making the wizard sigh.

Dwalin slapped his forehead and muttered, "You're tellin' me our Burglar isn't only a babe again but he's also forgotten us?" The others of the Company began grumbling to themselves as Fili and Kili inched a little closer to the hobbit and stood behind the wizard's back.

Kili looked Bilbo over and smiled to the rest of the Company, "Well good news is the scratch is gone!"

Which earned a few cries from the dwarves further away.

"This is serious Kili!" Being one of them and he frowned.

"Oi! At least I'm trying to make light o' recent events!" He huffed out. Fili only snorted.

"Everything's light in that dim head of yours-" Which Kili only elbowed his brother and would have done more had Gandalf's question not been asked.

"Bilbo, lad how old are now?" Gandalf questioned, leveling a look of curiosity.

Bilbo tilted his head slightly and held up his fingers for the wizard to see, and said "I'm seven now. Why Master Gandalf?" At this each dwarf let out a groan so Bilbo narrowed his eyes at all of them, "And what're they anyway? They aren't hobbits." And he eyed their boots suspiciously and wrinkled his little button nose.

Kili looked over Gandalf's shoulder to Bilbo and grinned, "Now no need to keep callin' us 'they'! We're dwarves Master Boggins!" Bilbo tilted his head again and hair curled around his cheeks and Kili just wanted to hug him right then and there!

"It's Baggins, not Boggins" the child emphasized and huffed lightly crossing his arms over his chest, looking away but returning his gaze from behind a veil of curls, "And I've never met a dwarf... What are you doing in the Shire?" At this Gandalf froze and piped in before a dwarf could scare the now youthful Bilbo.

"We aren't in the Shire Bilbo." He received a curious look from the child as he tried to push his curls from his eyes, and pat his head again and grinned. "We're in Rivendell." Bilbo's eyes immediately gleamed and he gasped in awe.

"You mean with the elves?" He yelled in excitement. The dwarves around him grew very sour expressions from his reaction. "Really? Truly?" At a nod from the wizard he hopped up and down before suddenly stopping and looking around the room again. "Where's mummy?"

Before any dwarves panicked and sputtered Gandalf let slip a string of sentences from his tongue, "She's not here as of now my dear Bilbo. However these dwarves are friends of hers, and will be keeping an eye on you in her stead." Bilbo simply looked back to the Grey Pilgrim and narrowed his eyes slightly, "As her request of course."

Bilbo stepped back and poked the wizard in the nose, "Master Gandalf" said wizard tilted his head, "It's not nice to lie." And the wizard smiled kindly, although he was cursing in his head in several tongues.

'You old fool! You honestly thought you could lie to BILBO BAGGINS?! He's always been able to sense a lie!' 

"My dear Bilbo I speak the truth, these dwarves know Belladonna-"

"Mummy would tell me stories of dwarves like when she told me stories of elves. If they met, Master Gandalf." At the wizard's light hearted glare, Bilbo turned back to the greater amount of dwarves and spoke again crossing his arms, "If you know mummy... What was her first last name?"

Gandalf saw his chance and took it.

He turned to the dwarvish princes and made motions with his hands. They stared at his hands for a few moments and Fili looked back to the wizard's exasperated face. He slowed the motions and moved his arm out and back to his chest.

Kili raised a brow, "Took?" The wizard turned quickly to face the hobbit child. Perfect timing too, lest he be caught. Bilbo faced him and widen his eyes. "Took was her first last name." It was certainly more of a question on the prince's mind but to Bilbo it was an answer. Although he wasn't expecting it. He released a tension and his shoulders slumped while looking at the dwarf.

"You really knew mummy?" He queried. Which was rewarded with a silent, albeit hesitant nod and he sighed. "I just feel like mummy wouldn't keep knowing dwarves a secret... she never mentioned you-"

Bofur piped in, "Well perhaps she meant ta surprise ya with us is all!" He tilted his head at the hatted dwarf. "We can be far better company than elves 'fter all!" Which earned grunts and some hollers of approval from the group of dwarves behind him. Certainly startling his little hobbit heart.

Of course it made sense. They were very lively so far.

"Okay. I'll believe it for now but-" he faced Gandalf again and pointed, "I'll find out what you're lyin' about."

Before the wizard could counter a knock came to door and the company turned as an elf emerged through the open door and asked, "Is everything quite alright? A number of my people heard shouting and a rather loud noise."

Gandalf suppressed a groan at his predicament and stood from kneeling on the floor. "Everything is quite fine Lord Elrond," and a gasp was heard from behind the wizard and Elrond attempted to peer around him, "Well... nearly everything." He moved aside for Bilbo to become visible and the dwarves in the surrounding room tensed. No doubt untrusting of an elf to a child.

"Are you the same Lord Elrond mummy knew?" The child questioned.

Elrond stood there for a moment before pointedly looking to Gandalf, "Sen tol i cuin perian?" (I'll write translations in the line breaks *thumbs up*) Bilbo tilted his head at the elf.

Gandalf sighed and answered back in elvish, "Ur thia ah forvo er ha." Bilbo looked very transfixed to the two speaking, he'd never heard elvish spoken before...

Elrond sighed as well, "Beleg mae brun elvellon im o an a dangweth ab." The wizard nodded in understanding.

"Galur," Was the response and he pointed from Elrond to the child. "Yes my dear Bilbo, Lord Elrond is the same elf your mother, Belladonna spoke of," The child positively beamed.

And so it was, Elrond knelt in front of Bilbo, "So you are a child of Belladonna Took?" He received a nod and continued, attempting to ignore the glares sent his way by the gathering of dwarves. "I did know your mother and am happy to say she has been named elvellyn," At a look of curiosity he elaborated, "elf-friend, all the same, I am most pleased to make your acquaintance young Master Took."

Bilbo did his best to reel in his excitement, it was working too, "Actually, its Baggins but that's okay!" And Elrond released a smile. Honestly this child is extremely adorable. Lord Elrond was all but melting on the inside.

"Perhaps Master Baggins, we should find you a set of clothes that fit," For literally, the first time Bilbo looked down and blushed, it's not respectable to only be in a shirt! Even if it is to the floor! He nodded quickly as Elrond made to rise. The dwarves were about to protest when Fili and Kili stepped up to be on either side of Bilbo.

The younger spoke, "Mind if we tag along? We're supposedta be keepin' an eye on 'im after all."

Elrond nodded possibly not even noticing his glare, "Of course, although we might be late for dinner." Almost sounding dispirited.

Both shrugged and responded, "No worries," simultaneously. The way it sounded made the child between them eye them suspiciously, sort of creeped out.

"Well come along then," He waved them over and turned to start through the door. "We'll be sure to arrive at dinner soon enough."

Bilbo fell in step and the brothers turned and nodded to Thorin before returning to either side of Bilbo.

They made their way through the door before the rest of the Company glared at the Grey Pilgrim.

Thorin was the one to speak, "Wizard, I do insist on being made aware of what you've done with our Burglar, why you haven't changed him back yet, and finally," dramatic pause (jk, but really,) "Why you allowed him to depart with an elf."

"I'd be pleased to inform you to my part on all those questions. First, he's become a child, I thought as much was obvious," He stated coolly, which his level of sass brought about a sputtering of indignant phrases, 'blasted wizard' being the most used. "Second, I've been trying to change him back since it happened, unfortunately I'm put out and he can't be changed as far as I can tell, however-!" He called when the dwarves growled, "it may wear off soon enough and before you ask when! I can't tell you, we'll wait it out. Finally, I let him go with Lord Elrond because he- Means. No. Harm." He huffed. "As an added measure, since dwarves are a protective people, it appears your nephews are keeping an eye on him as well, there is no reason to be so precautionary."

The dwarves finally settled. (Bofur was always calm, mind you)

"Alright lads, I do believe we should make our way 'ta dinner now,"

There were zero arguments. Their young Burglar would be there eventually and they wouldn't let him out of their sights... or around any wizards... or anymore elves... Just in case...

\-----<3<3<3------

Sindarin time :D... well... to the best of my ability at translation...

"Sen tol i cuin perian?" - This is the same Halfling?

"Ur thia ah forvo er ha." - Yes, please go along with it.

"Beleg mae brun elvellon im o an a dangweth ab." - Very well old friend, however I expect an explanation later.

"Galur," - Of course/ my thanks.

\-----<3<3<3------

They weren't pleased when Bilbo arrived to dinner. Not because of Bilbo himself, you understand, but because of... just what did the elves think they were doing?!

First Bilbo arrives in elvish clothes, already upsetting but the Company spoke beforehand and Dori and Ori agreed to make him some better attire for the journey. Fili and Kili were trailing behind him and admitted that the prancing elf had gifted Bilbo a whole variety of clothing.

Next, Bilbo did not take a seat with the Company, no, he was sat right between the wizard who started this and the elf lord! He seemed to enjoy his spot too, which is why Balin requested a seating rearrangement. The wizard moved to Elrond's right, not moving the elf, don't be absurd, these were his halls they wouldn't move him. Thorin took a seat on Bilbo's other side, just to ensure no elf dared try anything, Bilbo was just a boy, he didn't know to look after his own well being.

After seating arrangements, Bilbo finally got to eat. He even enjoyed what was served! Nothing but greenery and the occasional biscuit and cheese. Disgraceful set up of food, the lot of it!

Bilbo didn't understand the dwarves grumbling, this food was fantastic! What ever were they complaining for? Vegetables are part of a balanced diet! He looked to see the largest dwarf rummaging through his salad and simply look up, confused, "Where's tha' meat?" Well, that was part of a balanced diet too... but really, stop with the grumbling! Being grumpy isn't good for one's health!

It was boggling trying to understand how Bilbo enjoyed this set up...

But the worst...

The absolute worst to come from their predicament...

Every last bloody elf in the surrounding area was cooing over their Burglar!

"Oh you're positively adorable!"

"Are all hobbits so delightful?"

"You're radiant when you smile Master Baggins!" and in the background, 'Those dimples are too precious!'

"Aren't you just darling!"

"Your eyes glow Mater Baggins, did you know that?"

And Bilbo just smiled and took every last compliment and answered several questions. At some point it seemed Thorin picked up a piece of silverware, don't ask when, he couldn't tell you. At the incessant cooing that fork bent more and more, he had to take his temper out on something, and it was either the ill fortuned fork or the elves the young Burglar was currently appeasing. Perhaps they'd leave soon.

The dwarves didn't care for the leader of the Company slaughtering every elf speaking to Bilbo Baggins, even if a few wanted to as well, but they would surely be thrown out of Rivendell, and the elves would probably keep Bilbo there. Damn tree-shaggers...

"Do you care for music Master Baggins?" An elf soon asked. The dwarves listened in even more to this as the vicinity seemed to grow quieter. Dwarves were still plenty loud however.

"Oh of course! Hobbits love music!" He clasped his hands together, now giving undivided attention to speaking elf.

"What would your favorite instrument be then?" At this Bilbo tapped a finger to his chin and looked to the table.

"Just one?"

"If you had to choose, just one," The elf smiled more at Bilbo's concentration.

"Harp," Was the response. Thorin looked over to the hobbit and raised both brows in question. It would be that instrument wouldn't it?

"Must run in the family," Elrond spoke from his right and looked down to catch Bilbo's eyes on him, "If I remember correctly, Belladonna loved the harp," At this Bilbo grinned.

"Mummy said she'd learn to play soon, because she liked it so much, and she'd play for me." He glanced at the table.

Elrond glanced to Gandalf and looked to an elf off to the side nodding in her direction. She took a seat behind a harp and began playing. Bilbo looked at her and smiled and crossed his arms on the table and planted his head down, listening to the melody presented and closing his eyes.

Lord Elrond took the chance to speak with Gandalf in hush about what had transpired in the room. He sighed, when the tale ended, of course, trust a wizard to become upset and create such a mess. Not that he minded, Bilbo was wonderful company, even if he was seven years old. The poor lad looked to be falling asleep to the tune!

It sounded wonderful, when you got past the dwarves moaning about it not being true music. It almost made him fall asleep until the last strings were plucked and he opened his eyes again.

"Thank you that was pretty," He smiled at her again and she smiled back.

"A pleasure Master Baggins," Was all she said, although she was gushing on the inside.

"Do many elves play the harp?" He wondered aloud. "I don't know many people who do play it."

"Uncle plays the harp!" He heard from the table across from him. He looked from the elf to the table where Kili looked passionate.

<3<3<3

During their excursion for clothes Fili and Kili made an attempt to help him remember the names of the dwarves in the room. They finished naming them off but, as they said, it would help to put them to faces.

"Ya okay Master Boggins?" Kili piped, he'd remember it was Kili because he was the one getting his name wrong!

"It's Baggins not Boggins" he'd huffed after rounding another corner. "We're going to work on it. Okay?"

"He's got a bit of an accent's all Master Baggins," Fili replied.

"It'snot an oxcent!" Kili cried from Bilbo's left.

"Oh of course, dear brother, I forgot you never learned proper pronunciation after being dropped-" Which earned a punch in the shoulder and Bilbo laughed but covered his mouth, it's not respectable to laugh at someone else's misery... Though it was funny... "Still," Fili started, rubbing his arm, "It would help to know which one's our uncle, Thorin Oakenshield. He's the one that looks grumpy alot o' the time," He sighed, "You'll know when ya see him again."

Bilbo had a feeling he would trust that judgment.

<3<3<3

He certainly remembered as he turned to the dwarf next to him, eyes alight with curiosity.

"You really play the harp?" He asked, he figured with the dwarves being so loud... he didn't know, but something like a drum was more appropriate. But he could see how 'Thorin?' was capable of playing the harp, he was quieter than the rest, save for the one with the white hair... and the one with an axe in his head, though he grunted alot.

"Yes," Was his only answer.

"He's the best at harp in Arda." Kili stated from the table, earning nods of agreement from surrounding dwarves.

"Do you have a harp?" He pressed, yawning.

"Yes," To be honest... Thorin knew his sister's son couldn't keep his mouth shut. It would be annoying at times, but when someone looked at him with those kinds of eyes he couldn't help but feel alright in being bothered by them. Plus it might keep the hobbit's attention off the poncy elves for a bit.

"Would you, play too?" The Burglar asked, beginning to lose the fight for consciousness.

"Perhaps when you're more awake hmm?" Thorin said, "Let's head back to your room then," Bilbo grunted.

"I'm not..." He yawned, "Tired... yet..."

"Is that so?" Thorin quirked a brow and Bilbo pouted, pouted the little bugger...

"...So..." Was the delayed response. They stared at each other for a while before Bilbo finally caved, rubbing at his eyes and mumbled, "...'kay..." He swung his legs from the chair and leapt off.

Thorin stood and put a guiding hand on Bilbo's back. They made their way from the dining hall and took several twists and turns before Bilbo groaned.

"I think it... was... over there," He mumbled out after they'd stopped, some words slurring slightly. He looked back and up to Thorin who was starting to look grumpy. "Are you lost?"

Thorin looked down at him and huffed looking away, "I am not lost," He looked back down to Bilbo, who was attempting a glare at him, and was kind of failing in all honesty.

"...You get lost alot?" He finally asked.

Thorin covered his face with his hand and sighed, "I've been known to... not have... the best sense of direction..." At this he chanced a look at the hobbit and found him grinning, his shoulders shaking slightly, "It isn't that funny..."

"Why? With all you who could... get me to my room... It's the direction challenged one... to get me there..." He tried to smother his laughter with his hand.

"Not my fault the elves made every room look the same..." He grumbled, but at least had the corners of his lips quirked up.

"I feel... if we go left... and down a bit... and right... we'll... be there..." He slurred out, leaning back against Thorin. Great he's falling asleep...

"No falling asleep when we aren't even to the room yet," Thorin stated. Holding onto the hobbit's shoulders to steady him. He yawned in response and slumped, making Thorin curse once in Khuzdul and lifting the child to carry him left, down a bit, then right... or was it left again?

<3<3<3

Eventually he reached the room and was glad no one else was there, that means he wasn't gone for what felt like hours. He made way to the bed and placed the covers back, to the best of his ability wit hone hand.

He placed Bilbo on the bed and made to cover him when he found said hobbit's hands attached to his shirt. There were two scenarios in which this could play out. One, he could slip from his shirt and leave it to the child to wrinkle it and be bare for the Company to possibly waltz in to see and be mocked... Two, he could be bothered to sleep next to a child, who might drool on him... and still be mocked by the Company... Maybe he should just try and pry off the child's hold...

<3<3<3

A few moments later... 

Bilbo's hold is that of death. Like trying to pry a wizard from magic... it isn't possible.

"Are all Halflings capable of such a grip?" He asked the sleeping lad. In which a very light snore was his answer and his lips twitched.

Unfortunately for him, he would have to endure a child drooling this night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My poor hobbit and dwarf babies...


	3. Oh Bother It All!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Company bonding <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay sorry about the delay, I did say in the tags not to be too hopeful <3

Thorin was right, his Company was mocking him.

He was hunched by the side of the bed, as he'd made another attempt to release Bilbo's hold, when they walked in.

Thorin didn't care much for his predicament. Hands still on Bilbo's to get them to relinquish their grip, he looked to his Company.

At first it was deathly quiet...

Right as he noticed Gandalf wasn't amongst their ranks, his nephews grinned ear to ear and they both working hard to keep serious voices, barely reeling in laughter, "Did we come at a bad time?" They questioned in amused unison. Which caused snorts from the other dwarves around them and the brothers shushed them, "You'll wake him with that noise!" The hypocrites shouted.

Thorin glared, "By all means wake him," He looked back to the hands still gripping his shirt and frowned.

"Where's the fun in that Uncle Thorin? He seems comfortable enough," Fili grinned again and his brother's shoulders were shaking and some of the others did the same at their leader's current situation.

"I'm glad you all find this so amusing," Thorin drawled, sounding very output, "however I will not be standing here all night,"

"Just take off your shirt and you can slip away," Fili suggested.

As if it was that easy.

"I've tried..." Thorin muttered. He really did. "He won't let go..." It turns out Bilbo also had hold of another shirt and a piece of armor underneath that, and that wouldn't come off because the armor piece went to his thighs in length and he'd have to be completely bare to remove it.

No.

He was stuck.

And helpless...

Wait.

"I assume you lot can come up with at least one idea for this situation..." Thorin said slowly. There had to be a way to get out of this death-grip, there had to be.

Fili and Kili looked to each other, yet another sibling telepathy conversation ensued, it was much shorter, and ended with the brothers looking back to their uncle smiling.

"We have an idea..." They trailed off suspiciously.

Thorin didn't care at this point.

"Well than act on it, obviously noise doesn't work. You lot have been ever so loud since entering this room and then some."

"You're so bossy Uncle Thorin," Kili whined as he slumped his shoulders. He and Fili walked over to the bed however Kili got a quill from the bed side table and held it up. "This is your means to freedom!" He cheered.

...Pardon?

"How will a feather help-"

"Give us a moment an' you'll find out! Geez," Thorin thought he also heard his nephew say something along the lines of 'impatient much' but totally could have been wrong.

Kili proceeded to stand next to Thorin and Fili looked to be readying for something, hands hovering nearly over Bilbo's.

"Go ahead Ki," Fili says to his brother, who nods and preps the feather above Bilbo's nose.

"What-"

"Do you want him to let go or not?"

"How does poking him in the nose with a feather make him let go?"

Fili and Kili slumped their shoulders together and sighed glumly. (Don't know why, I thought of Gimli here and started laughing really loud... okay continue)

"Just... It's never happened to you?"

"What's never happened to me?"

Can they just elaborate?

Thorin looked back to the Company for help but some had their heads tilted like they didn't comprehend either.

Wonderful.

Fantastic.

Truly amazing.

When Thorin turned around again he had a feather poked at his nose and he swatted it away. He looked to his youngest nephew somewhat more irritated than he already was.

"What was that about Kili?"

"It's happened to you now." Was all he said.

What happened? Getting a feather shoved at your nose?! 

"What was it supposed to prove?"

Kili looked to the ceiling above and closed his eyes, muttering and probably praying to Mahal and demanding answers to why his uncle was the way he was.

Fili looked on the verge of tears.

"For the love of- Uncle! What did you do when the feather was against your nose?"

"I got it away from the place it shouldn't be." He stated blankly.

"With?" Fili almost started to sound hopeful.

With? Well what else besides his hands-

Oh.

Oh.

"Oh." He uttered.

The princes grinned now, finally, "Ooooooooooooooooh," They said simultaneously.

Thorin glowered, "Well say something next time instead of having us waste time."

Of course they were to blame for this... always taking what seemed like years to show instead of tell...

So were the elves... making the now young Burglar fall asleep with that harp playing, making every blasted door look the same... existing...

And Gandalf... for his stupid spell gone awry.

Of course this was just Thorin's lot in life, nothing good seemed to happen to him.

Kili moved back to face Bilbo and placed the feather just at the tip of his nose and moved it a little. No response.

"Heavy sleeper huh?" Kili mumbled.

"A feather isn't very heavy Kili," His brother added.

"I know that!" He huffed, "This always works!"

"Then you aren't doing it right," Fili moved to reach for the feather and Kili retracted glaring.

"I know what I'm doin'!"

Thorin made a silent plea to any deity that would listen. Just to get his nephews on with it and shut up.

Fili moved his hands back and held them up in a quick gesture of peace.

"Hurry up though Ki, I think uncle's gettin' ready to break something."

Kili placed the feather on Bilbo's nose again and moved it about more. Thorin looked back down to him to see his face scrunch up and his nose twitch around. His grip on the shirt tensed.

"Ha! See? It's working!" Kili beamed.

Thorin was less than amused.

"Kili his hold has tightened, not lessened."

"That just means he'll let go soon Uncle Thorin!" Kili almost sounded sad... Like he enjoyed his uncle's misery. He moved the feather back and forth some more and Bilbo moved.

He didn't remove his hands from Thorin's shirt.

No. He did something else.

It was not something Thorin wanted.

Bilbo lifted up his whole upper half and rubbed his face against Thorin's chest, getting rid of that odd tingle on his nose, yet he was still, weirdly enough, asleep.

There were a few 'awwwws' from the dwarves a small distance away, a few happened to be incredibly close to sounding mockingly.

Bilbo was leaned up against Thorin now and lightly snoring. Kili was holding the quill to his chest and making doe eyes.

"This is too cute."

Mentally, Thorin wondered if dying of utter and total hatred of those around you was a thing. A good chunk of the people he surrounded himself with were mocking instead of helping, he was still in an ultimate death grip, he was in an elvish city seeking refuge which was utterly ridiculous, and as far as he could tell, he could blame it solely all on Gandalf and his horrible temperament control.

"Well laddie, I'm afraid you're stuck there,"

'Very observant Balin,' Thorin thought. He does however glare over his shoulder to the Company. They'd done nothing in terms of theories this entire time...

They wanted him to suffer this...

Those little-

"Uncle Thorin?" The voice jolts him from finishing his thought and he turned his head again to his nephews. Kili grins.

This will be delightful.

"I suppose you're staying with us tonight?" He obviously thought it hilarious a development. He nearly sighs, would he react this way if it were another member of the company?

And then a thought comes to him. An odd little thought, it almost makes him smirk.

He won't be suffering alone.

Not this night.

"Actually," He starts, trying not to hint how pleased he is in his new development for their stay, "the whole Company will be." There were growls amongst said gathering of dwarves. He had to shut them up, "Considering our Burglar's new... stature, he is in greater peril should anything happen, which is why it is best to keep a better eye on him, which means there will be no arguments when it comes to a member of the Company's wellbeing."

They shut up, yay.

Good job Thorin.

<3<3<3<3<3

Gandalf returned to the room that morning and was honestly surprised at what he found. He'd opened the door a fraction and peered inside to find twelve dwarves littering the floor.

Wait. Twelve?

He glanced around the room again but entered. He counted the dwarves on his fingers and put names to faces yet one was still missing.

Just where's Thori-

Oh, bugger it all! 

Oh he found Thorin. Along with the official burglar of the group in the same bed. It's not like they're cuddling or anything! Bilbo just happens to be holding onto a certain dwarf's shirt extremely tightly. Said dwarf actually looks really mad, he's got his arms crossed under Bilbo's and looks to be frowning even in sleep.

...Maybe it's the drool in his hair...

Okay so the image is super cute and Gandalf doesn't want to ruin it. He came here with a purpose however and will see it done, many matters need to be discussed. There is a slight problem however, the dwarves surrounding the bed like a minefield.

This is one of those points in time Gandalf wishes he wasn't old.

He thinks that often enough though, it's no surprise.

A few times the wizard can actually just side-step a few sprawled bodies but sometimes he had to jump over them. Oh and what a sight that is... He swings his arms around after losing balance after a landing and curses, nearly crushing Kili. Really he's too old for this kind of thing.

He finally arrives at the bed only to hear, "and where have you been?" And he is about ready to hit a king over the head with his staff. He looks down to said king who has one eye open and looks far less than amused.

"Have you been awake this entire time?" Gandalf really wants to hit him when he just shrugs, "I have been running over certain particulars with Lord Elrond," cue scowl from Thorin, "and am now informing you of how we should proceed with young Master Baggins."

"What does the elf have to do with Master Baggins?" He questions, attempting to sit up only to stop when arms tighten on his shirt. He sighs and looks to the wizard, "I don't suppose you can help with this?" He gestures to the hobbit.

"I know for a fact you won't be getting away from Master Baggins until he wakes," Thorin slightly hunches his shoulders, "and it is business of Elrond's because of our stay here, that being said you should do well to listen to what I have to say," Their eyes meet and Gandalf continues. "This is about Bilbo's care, it will fall to you lot, which I am to inform you, it isn't strange for a hobbit to eat seven meals a day," eyebrow quirk from Thorin, "in fact it's encouraged. Next, Bilbo is to go nowhere unsupervised," No argument there, silly wizard, "And finally, though I feel I'm forgetting something," deep frowny face from the dark haired dwarf, "if Bilbo ever asks about his mother, you are to discretely change the subject."

"Were you merely thinking things over last night or are you planning on changing Bilbo back?"

Gandalf huffs at this, "As I've said, he cannot be changed back, we'll simply have to wait it out,"

"How long?"

"I do not-"

"How. Long?"

With a sigh, Gandalf leans more on his staff, "It could take days," Thorin seems okay so far... "Or maybe a few months,"

Bad thing to say. Should have left it with a taking days. Dwarf mad. Dwarf very mad. Must flee room.

And so the wizard does.

<3<3<3<3<3

"Don't know why we didn't try this before brother!" Kili grins out.

"Try what?" Thorin looks up at their approaching figures extremely hopeful, and looks to what they're carrying, "No." Heads of the Company turn and spy a bucket in the brothers hands.

"Come on uncle!" Fili tries to get him to 'see reason', little idiot of a nephew, "it's already mid-morning, just once!"

"No."

"Uncle-" They groan out in unison, placing down the bucket.

"No."

"...Okay."

"Okay?"

"Okay." Fili shrugs and picks up the bucket slowly, to not alert his uncle, he then proceeds to throw its contents at the bed.

The little hobbit startles awake and wipes hands over his face quickly to remove the too cold water. He also awakes to a fuming and soaked dwarf sitting next to him on the bed.

He meets his eyes and tilts his head at the taller figure, who looks back to creatures as vile as spawns of Morgoth.

"See! He woke up, perfect plan." Kili crosses his arms and grins. The dwarf next to Bilbo begins shaking, either from the cold or from the fact he was cursed with such beings as family.

<3<3<3<3<3

Bilbo was now being escorted around Rivendell by Bofur. Apparently Thorin got mad at Fili and Kili and was lecturing them. Lectures are the worst. (Or you know Thorin throttling his nephews but tell the child what he needs to hear :)) Bilbo picked Bofur and wouldn't take anyone else with him, they all seemed pretty scary aside from Bofur, Fili and Kili. Thorin wasn't really 'scary' but he wasn't super friendly either.

So far, Bofur wasn't getting lost like Thorin did. They were apparently heading to the kitchens which the hobbit and his belly were all but thrilled about. Bofur was whistling during the stroll.

"Is that a song?" Bilbo finally asks looking at the dwarf. It's okay to listen to whistling and all, but it would be nice to hear if it was from a ballad or a real song or something.

"Nah, just a little tune. Livelier than an elf tune I'll have ye know!"

"It sounds nice," Bofur grinned and began whistling again and they soon reached the kitchens.

<3<3<3<3<3

After breakfast with Bofur, Bilbo found himself with the largest dwarf of the company (around the middle anyway), in the kitchen again.

"Master Bombur?" The dwarf looked down to the hobbit who became instantly shy, "It is Bombur right?" He nods and they continue to sit in silence with each other until Bilbo breaks it. "Are you up for second breakfast yet, Master Bombur?"

The dwarf tilts his head causing his braided beard to swish a little, "Second breakfast?"

"Do you not have it where you come from?" Bilbo got up to find some more food.

"Never heard of it Master Baggins." Bombur accepted the glass of juice deposited in front of him by the hobbit. How'd he get it? (dafuq? Okay, sorry continue)

"Bilbo will do just fine Master Bombur," a nod, "and that's a shame, how many meals do you eat, being a dwarf I mean?" It will do no good to insult someone by misinterpreting a question.

"Three."

"Only three?" He almost spits out his muffin.

"How many meals do hobbits have then?" He seemed thoroughly amused by his outcry. "I hope you eat more than one, like the elves, they probably have an apple a day."(keeps the doctor away, I'm sorry ignore these XD)

"Seven." Horrible timing as Bombur just took a swig of juice and sprayed it everywhere at the answer.

<3<3<3<3<3

After explaining mealtimes for hobbits, Bilbo was out in the gardens with Dori and Ori. Ori wanted to draw up some of the plant life to be found in Rivendell so Dori was with him to keep an eye out for foolish enough elves. Bilbo was originally just wanting to be out in the open but helped show off a few flowers and what they meant.

"How do you know so much about flowers Master Baggins?" Ori was still sketching an iris but looked over to his companion.

"Hobbits are supposed to know about flowers... We have lots of them in our gardens." He blinked repeatedly, "Do dwarves not garden?"

Dori spoke up now, "I would suspect very few do." He looked over to his brother and moved a stray hair back from his brother's eye only to have it swatted away when he found another. "I do mean very few. Stone is a little more of a focal point than other earth."

At this Bilbo nodded. Hobbits and elves have their greenery. Dwarves have their stone. What do men have then?

Bilbo asked the last aloud and that soon became the topic of choice for the better part of a few hours, even starting to talk about tea and different assortments of such from the Shire.

<3<3<3<3<3

During dinner Bilbo sat between Balin and Gloin. Balin remind Bilbo of his granddad. He's always talking about great tales and misadventures.

"Have I told ye about what happened in Gondor yet?" He began but a fist on the table and a glare from Dwalin was sent Balin's way. Balin seemed to ignore it and Dwalin pointed at his brother and took on a very serious face meant for no arguments.

"We never speak of Gondor Balin."

"What happened in Gondor?" Now he was curious.

"Apparently thatis a tale for another time my lad."

Kid Bilbo wasn't having it, "But now I want to know~" He whined out and planted his head on the table. Balin just pat his shoulder and instead recounted a tale about once hunting a boar at night in a blizzard.

Because that sounded pleasant.

Bilbo lifted his head at the end of the story and just looked at Balin, because really? You hunt a dangerous animal. At night. In a blizzard. Do all dwarves wish for death? Cold, dark and dangerous are a nasty combination; especially to hobbits.

He looked up and over to Gloin who was chatting merrily with Oin. Bilbo tried to remember the family ties of everyone in the Company.

"Well Master Boggins, if it helps, most o' the others' names rhyme with their family," Kili was certainly acting like a scholar, finger pointed in the air and everything.

"Like Fili and Kili?" He was trying really hard not to be mad at Kili for getting his name wrong again.

He nods, "Aaaaaaand?"

The hobbit racked his brain for the other names, "Doro, Oro and Noro?"

At this the brothers guffawed and Fili just said, "Dori, Ori and Nori"

Bilbo slit his eyes at him, "Close enough,"

Remembering that, he looked back at Gloin who'd finished speaking to his brother and waving him off because he was 'too deaf to deal with'.

"Mister Gloin," said dwarf looked down to the hobbit seated next to him and smiled, "do you have any stories?" His eyes instantly gleamed and he pat Bilbo on the shoulder before telling Bilbo he had a son named Gimli.

Every dwarf around the table groaned.

It was going to be a long dinner...

<3<3<3<3<3

Thorin was just informed that they would be staying with elves for a week and a half more.

He didn't take it all that well.

First he cursed elves in Khuzdul for threatening to set back their departure and quest overall and proceeded ignore Gandalf for that time.

Honestly the nerve. 

This entire time surrounded by everything elvish was threatening to send Thorin to the depths madness.

It was actually quite frustrating when the Company kept dispersing around the place with a hobbit child along. They did seem to be growing closer to the lad however. They were also keeping as many elves as possible away from their little hobbit. He'd heard about such escapades as Nori teaching Bilbo to "burglar again".

The only way Bilbo would seem to want to was if food was involved...

So he stole a jar of cookies from the kitchens... and jam... and cheese... and rolls.

The pointy-ears didn't even know what hit them. Nori even sniffed and wiped a non-existent tear from his eyes declaring how proud he was of Bilbo.

Dwalin had other ideas, he'd "spar" with Bilbo with his little letter-opener, (Since Bilbo heard it was his, he at least wanted to learn to use it.) can't really say little though since it's nearly as tall as him, about eight inches shorter actually.

With the mock duels going on, Bilbo's payment was to steal extra cookies for Dwalin, he obliged.

Each of the dwarves spent time with Bilbo, including Thorin, but that was only when Balin was present as well.

Fili and Kili seemed to spend the most time with the hobbit however. Apparently they'd get into a bit of 'hiding the weapons from the courtyard here' or 'borrowing the actual pillar from there'. It was quite ridiculous what those three were capable of.

And they were totally corrupting the innocent hobbit that was scared of them before.

<3<3<3<3<3

At the day before they were to leave Rivendell, Thorin, Gandalf, Elrond, Balin (who'd dragged Bilbo along), assembled and Elrond read the moon runes atop a clear rock in the moonlight.

Bilbo was the one to convince Thorin to hand over the map, it didn't take long after the little pout of a lip and enlarged eyes.

'Thorin's a sucker' Kili would say.

The hobbit kept quiet in his awe as light runes appeared on the parchment.

Elrond read, "Stand by the gray stone when the thrush knocks, and the setting sun with the last light of Durin's Day will shine upon the keyhole."

Bilbo tilted his head at that, "Durin's Day?"

Gandalf smiled and clasped Bilbo's shoulder, "It is the start of the dwarves' new year, when the last moon of autumn and the first sun of winter appear in the sky together."

Thorin crossed his arms over his chest and looked to Balin. "This is ill news. Summer is passing. Durin's Day will soon be upon us."

"We still have time," Balin stated.

Poor Bilbo was just confused, "Time? For what?" He looked between Balin and Gandalf for an answer.

Balin gave the answer, he was an adviser and considerably wise after all. "To find the entrance. We have to be standing at exactly the right spot. At exactly the right time. Then, and only then, can the door be opened."

Elrond seemed to grow unhappy. "So this is your purpose, to enter the Mountain?"

"What of it?" Thorin demanded, he knew it was a bad idea to let the tree-hugger read the map.

It's all Gandalf's fault.

Elrond makes to move past Thorin and simply says, "There are some who would not deem it wise."

Now Gandalf looked confused, "Who do you mean?" (Okay but literally everyone, there's a dragon there guys, people care about being roasted... okay continue)

Elrond stood by Gandalf and looked at him and answered vaguely. "You are not the only guardian to stand watch over Middle-earth."

He passed Bilbo and ruffled his hair which caused a grin from Bilbo and a frown from Thorin.

<3<3<3<3<3

Gandalf was walking with Thorin now as Gandalf made his way to a meeting of what he called the White Council. Balin and Bilbo had already left them and were making to the room they all stayed in.

Gandalf abruptly stopped and wheeled around to face Thorin. His expression woebegone. (some of you just looked that up)

"I must now inform you, seeing as how you will leave before dawn," He breathed again, "Bilbo will not be going with you."

To say Thorin was pissed is an understatement. He actually, for a split second, wondered what would happen if he pushed Gandalf off the bridge they were standing on, leaving a member of the Company behind, preposterous!

"That is not going to happen Gandalf."

"There is no place for a child on a rode this dangerous. If you quite recall, there was an encounter with trolls on the way here," Thorin was about to retort that trolls were uncommon but was cut off, "there was also the warg pack and its riders." Thorin breathed trying to will his lungs to spew out the sentence of it never occurring on the way to the Shire and Gandalf continued, "If Bilbo were his right age again, I'd at least allow him to travel again, but until such time, he is to remain in Rivendell. Am. I. Understood?"

There was no way to convince the wizard so he only nodded curtly looking away although he wanted nothing more than to state the Company was well prepared to look after him.

"Very good, I'll send him along once the spell wears off," and he took his leave. Thorin stood there for a time until finally heading back to the rooms.

Now if only he didn't walk in the wrong direction... twice...

<3<3<3<3<3

Kili was whining again, "I can't believe we jus' left 'im." He looked over his shoulder as Rivendell was disappearing from sight.

The sky was still darkened by clouds and more were on the way. He turned again to face his brother for his reaction but found he was looking back as well.

At a twist in the path, The Elven Home was gone.

That's it.

"I'm goin' back for 'im," and he spun on his foot, "Who's gonna help?" An immediate outcry came around the dwarves and Thorin turned to face the Company.

"We aren't going back for him Kili." Thorin turned again and was met with outcries from the Company, "If we could keep moving."

"Uncle! We aren't leaving him with elves!" Fili chimed in as a majority of the Company were already turning around.

"We aren't." At that the dwarves stopped in their tracks, processing. "Are we Bilbo."

A muffled 'nope ' later and the dwarves turned to find a hobbit head poking out from under a dwarven cloak worn by the king in exile.

A couple of happy cries later and Thorin just levelled them with a look.

"You honestly expected me to leave him with nothing more than weed-eaters for company?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apparently school's gonna get hella awful for the next month or so...  
> So I'll try and update at least twice this month mkay? mkay I love you my dearies!


	4. Oh, HONESTLY?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Misty Mountains (>^.^)>  
> my babies, I love them so much

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo! I posted! might add some art to this story ;D
> 
> Also! For everyone that has read, bookmarked, kudosed(is that a word? now it is) commented, hoopla! Thank you all so very much :')

Fili and Kili snatched Bilbo away the second Thorin let him go. Actually, he didn't let him go. They just grabbed him from Thorin's arms once the hobbit was moved from his back to his arms and said they'd carry him for a while.

So far they really meant they.

Bilbo was currently being swung between the two, a elbow hooked in each of their arms, as they slowly ascended the mountain. The rough terrain and slope didn't seem to deter the brothers at all and Bilbo didn't seem to mind at first.

At first.

The higher they got the more nervous he became, even with reassurances from his companions that they wouldn't drop him. Up ahead of the group Balin was near the point of giving his king a good slap upside the head.

They'd been arguing for what seemed hours now and Thorin's piece never changed. Balin tried to get the brick-for-a-brain moron to see reason.

"Thorin, this road will be dangerous enough, with the little lad along it will be twice, if not thrice as dangerous-"

"And how is that Balin? We keep an eye on him, he comes to no harm, he can practically walk unseen already, and no elf or wizard will change my mind on this. Young Master Baggins is joining us, that is the end of it."

"It is understandable to wish to keep an eye on him, and I hate to admit this, he would have been safer with elves laddie-"

"I would not leave him with them for company." He growled out lowly. "He's here anyhow and it'll be dark in a few hours, you wish him to return at night?"

Balin sighed at that, however he nodded and slipped back a bit, muttering about 'being too old for arguing with children'.

They made camp a little while later while Fili and Kili refused to let Bilbo out of arms reach. Bilbo didn't mind that Kili practically demanded to grab supper because he seemed happy to. He also didn't mind that the brothers decided to sleep on either side of him for the night.

He did mind however, when he was practically suffocated the next morning. It seems in the night Fili pulled him to his chest and his elbow dug into his side. Kili must have moved over in the night from lack of warmth and had a knee in Bilbo's back, shoulder at the back of his neck, and hair in his face. How can they be such a tangle of limbs?

... Most uncomfortable

After some minutes he finally managed to flip Kili over and wiggled out of Fili's hold on him and sat up. You know you're going to be sore when your bones crack and click at just sitting up. He stood and let out a breath, and stretched out, causing a wince when his back popped multiple times.

This adventure was going to be a pain, he could already tell.

<3<3<3<3<3

"Oi!" The princes turned to the noise of their little burglar's voice, he seemed pretty irate. They'd been traveling up the mountains on the road, which was more like a path, actually not even that come to think of it, it was more like a track. Anyway so they were on the road like a path like a track for a few days now and they'd just made camp at dusk. And two certain dwarves were being blamed for something.

"Yes Master Boggins?" Kili asked a little too innocently. He also smiled for good measure.

Bilbo just sucked in another breath to not get distracted by Kili's uncanny ability to grate on his little hobbit nerves and step on his toes. At the start of the trek he'd asked the dark haired brother to just call him Bilbo, a) he was sure he wouldn't mispronounce anything, and b) it was less taxing on the brain than to say 'Master Boggins'. So the hobbit just sucked in a breath and crossed his arms over his chest. "Where is it?"

Kili tilted his head looking confused, again, a little too innocent... "Where's what Master Boggins?" Oh confound this dwarf!

"You know what. Just like you know where it is."

Fili joined the battle, he was on his brother's side, obviously, "We don't know what you're talking about Master Baggins. Perhaps telling us what it is will help."

A certain hobbit child was about to retort with venom laced in his tone when he paused and looked between the two. He pondered out and knew they'd never tell him so he just decided to play along. He grinned.

"I guess you don't know anything huh? I'll just keep looking around for it then." And with that he left the two, a plan already going under way.

<3<3<3<3<3

"No! Where is it? Kili!"

"For the last time I didn't take yer stupid knife! Now where did ya put my quiver? I'm not draggin' these arrows all th' way ta Erebor!"

Bilbo just sat looking innocently over his morning oatmeal at the two. Ah yes, this was working out marvelously. He looked over to his right and caught Bofur's skeptical look which he chose to looked insulted by.

They started it after all, plus he found it hilarious the brothers would blame the other, instead of the person they stole from in the first place. It was actually better than expected and easier to pull off to snag Fili's favorite knife. It was simple enough in design but had gold encrusted in the hilt. Kili's quiver however was a bit more difficult to grab without creating too much noise. However being quiet as a mouse proved to be very helpful in the night.

The only problem was that Dwalin was on watch at the time and when he was walking away with his prizes he'd caught Dwalin's eye. He stood frozen for a moment, looked at the princes and back Dwalin placing a finger to his lips. To his relief Dwalin just nodded and turned back to the surrounding terrain. Apparently the boys deserved it from previous shenanigans they'd accomplished in the past.

Good to know Dwalin was on his side.

"You can carry your arrows all the way to Mordor for all I care! Just give me my knife!"

"I don't have it! Just give my quiver back!"

The others just finished breakfast when Thorin informed them to pack up camp and be ready to leave in ten minutes.

A few hours later...

They wouldn't shut up. A couple of times they got into a small argument but this was unreasonable.

Fists were clenched and a few arrows were dropped of the side of the mountain. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea... But they deserved it! Until he got what was his back they could throw insults and threats as much as they liked.

That same night...

Camp was being made and Bilbo found shadows looming over him as he sat on a rock. He tilted his head back and found the princes glaring. His hobbitish nature kicked in.

"Can I help you?"

"Where are they?" They demanded together.

"Where are what?" He put a finger to his chin in mock contemplation and brightened his face, "Oh! You mean your knife and quiver?" At this the brothers nodded silently. Bilbo shrugged and looked at Dwalin for a moment before back to them, "I can honestly say I don't know."

"Where are they?" They asked again.

"Where is it?" Bilbo questioned back. The brothers looked at eachother, nodded, and Kili pulled out the hobbit's missing article, his sword. He took it in both hands and sighed contently when it sat in his lap.

"Well?" Kili asked.

"Well what?"

"Where are they?"

Bilbo sighed, placed his sword down and stood saying, "One moment." He walked over to Dwalin and pulled at his pant leg. The dwarf turned around and looked to him in mild concern. "I have to give them back now."

Dwalin frowned at this and looked over at the slightly upset looking princes. "Can't it waita bit longer?" At a smile and shake of the head from the hobbit he sighed and went to his pack, pulling a knife and quiver from within, "Ye were right in thinkin' they wouldn't think I had 'em, smart lad, unlike th' boys," Bilbo giggled and received the quiver and knife.

"Thanks Master Dwalin,"

"Oh no, thank ye young master burglar, twas a treat seein' the lads get theirs," At this Bilbo grinned and went back over to those he burgled from and handed each their own missing articles.

"Don't take this again," They spoke in sync.

"Then don't take my stuff." Bilbo deadpanned.

"No more cuddles for you Master Boggins." Kili said, placing his arrows back in his precious quiver.

"Yeah no more cuddlin' for you." Fili repeated, kneeling and placing his knife back in his boot.

Bilbo glared at that and grabbed his sword, not a letter-opener thank you Master Balin, and began walking away, "I'm sure I'll manage." He called back.

<3<3<3<3<3

Bilbo could use a cuddle right about now. The rain had only just started and he already hated it. It wasn't his fault actually considering the fact that it was an utter downpour. Cuddle indeed, he needed some place dry and warm! A mere hugging wouldn't be enough of a distraction.

He regretted his latest decision to not need anyone to carry him, he'd basically been passed around to a few dwarves and after he'd recently been passed off to Dwalin, the tallest of the lot, we're already on a mountain, I don't need to feel this close to death thank you, he decided he'd had enough at the end of that day and said as much. He had his own two feet and he could very well use them! He didn't need them to babysit his every step.

During the rain the stone beneath gradually became more slick and he managed to catch himself every time he'd nearly taken a tumble off the side of the mountain. It was a good thing too, lest one of his dwarven companions decide to carry him. He really didn't need that, not after it took nearly an hour to convince them he was capable of simply moving up an inclination of land.

He actually had to resort to pouting with the leader of the company. He clasped his hands together, jutted his lip, and gathered 'tears' in his eyes making them as wide as possible.

Oh honestly?

Thorin didn't stand a chance.

And so it was that Bilbo was now pouting at his predicament. We'll go on an adventure his mother said it'll be fun she said.

... Adventures are not fun.

The company with you may mean well and be entertaining for the most part however, adventures in themselves are not fun and entertaining. They consist of far too much walking and they make you late for dinner! His little hobbit stomach informed him dinner would have been about half an hour ago, maybe even three hours ago.

But nooooooo, Mister Thor-jerk Stupid-shield had them walking up a harsh incline on a slippery mountain slope at Eru knows what hour in the evening or night and they still hadn't found a cave in the wall face to rest in.

The rain started to feel like shards of ice were digging into his skin and embedding into his very bones.

He was just about to call it quits on this whole adventure nonsense and just run for the Shire when Gloin appeared up ahead and waved his arm about motioning for everyone to catch up.

Okay now they found a cave in the side of a mountain. Now the dear young hobbit was just too tired to care to complain. Instead he just swished his bag off his shoulder, tossed it on the ground, and face planted into it.

"Bilbo? Aren't ye hungry?" A voice sounded above him but he didn't bother lifting his head.

His only response was, "mmmmph"

"I'll drop this food in yer hair if ye don't take it,"

"mmmmph," he steeled himself and turned his head slightly and opened one eye to glare at who ever would threaten him with such a notion.

He'd sever their fingers before any food would be wasted like that.

He found Bofur sitting cross legged at his side holding dried, (not so much), meat and an apple with some lembas bread. (The dwarves didn't seem to care much for it so it was all Bilbo's yay!)

He lifted himself up with a sigh before turning to face the dwarf and accept his delayed dinner.

"Gloin, you have first watch, Dwalin you have second I'll take up third," Stupid-shield decided to inform the Company. There were a few grunts of acceptance before bedrolls were laid out and several snores rose immediately.

While Bilbo was working on his apple and chatting with Bofur, a wild Oin sat down directly in front of him which elicited a small shriek from being startled. He looked up to see the dwarf's face and saw that face trained on his feet, which did look rather red.

"Master Oin," he started, trying to hint through tone he was perfectly fine. That didn't seem to work on someone with an ear trumpet because the dwarf simply answered back with,

"Master Baggins," there was a mutual staring contest for what can be decided as a minute, while Bilbo slowly moved his feet to rest beneath him, never breaking eye contact, before the dwarf narrowed his eyes, "I'm gonna need to have a look at those feet lad,"

"What feet?" No one goes near his feet alright?

"The feet attached to your legs." Except apparently a certain sassy dwarf.

"You mean the perfectly tip-top-shape feet?" Because there is most certainly nothing wrong with his feet!

"I'll be the judge of that."

"Bofur make him stop" He looked over to find Bofur, not beside him, instead he was on the other side of the cave attempting to reassure Bilbo from a distance. Apparently this is a fight he wouldn't win...

But Bilbo would make Bofur pay for his betrayal.

He looked back to the Company healer who looked ready to grab Bilbo's ankle when a dwarf body plopped down beside him.

Oh great another one.

He tilted his head to look at the newcomer and couldn't fight the need to make a face. It was Stupid-shield.

"Is there a problem Master Baggins?"

"Yes, Master Oin is trying to grab my feet." At this he sent a glare to the elder dwarf who was tapping the ground with a finger in a show of impatience.

"He must, seeing as how you don't wear footwear," insert scoff and crossed arms from Bilbo, "and you did spend several hours in freezing rain, it wouldn't do to have your toes break off."

That got his attention. Of course now he was glaring daggers at the fire not four feet away. "Just let him check to see if they're injured from the cold,"

"No,"

Thorin very nearly sighed in exasperation but proceeded to ask, "Why not?" Never let it be said this Durin did not have the patience for children.

"... It's a family thing," Bilbo looked up to meet the dwarf's eyes when he said nothing and continued, "I guess it's a hobbit thing then," He looked back to the ground, "Hobbits only let family touch their feet, or beloved."

"That is most certainly a problem," a nod from the hobbit is confirmation that it was the right thing to say. The only problem is that the king was about ready to yell at the Valar for making something as simple as checking someone for injuries extremely unseemly and outrageous. He pinched the bridge of his nose instead and let out a huff of air, "Oin," The dwarf turned at the use of his name, "look don't touch, if there's anything wrong inform me," a nod from the healer and baffled look from the 'patient' is when Thorin took his leave.

A few moments later... (Because we all need arguments between a kid and old man who 'knows best' from a distance)

"They aren't swelled, they've always been like this!"

"I know swellin' when I see it boy!"

"Have you seen your feet? Anything compared to them looks swollen!"

"I know our feet are different, but yours are swollen."

"Nuh-uh!"

<3<3<3<3<3

Bilbo was grumbling to himself after being in the rain again. It didn't cease for the past two days and continued its war against the mountains they stood on.

Well, not Bilbo, he was being piggy-backed by Dwalin, hence the extra grumbling and mentally cursing of a certain dwarf healer who said he shouldn't walk for a couple of days, and since the rain didn't let up, and these dwarves were stubborn, and they were on a deadline, someone had to carry him.

Before a fist fight would break out Dwalin just swung him up on his shoulders, tossed Bilbo's stuff to Dori, and left the cave. The others were motionless for a while but caught up soon enough.

And now there was a torrential downpour acting about overhead. But the worst thing about the night was not the happenings in the sky. But the happenings on the ground.

The ground shook and the Company of Thorin Oakenshield halted. The surrounding space was hazy and misted. The sky only seemed to clear when a large rock sailed through the air to a point above where they were all standing. The rock shattered on impact and fell along with chips of the mountain where it struck.

"Watch out!" was exclaimed from Dwalin who pressed himself against the mountain side and pulled Fili back with him.

"This is no thunderstorm! It's a thunder battle! Look!" As Balin said those words every head turned to see rocks split from other mountains and stand. One such mass of rock tore a chunk of earth off near it's head and threw it at another just turning the corner, knocking it down into the abyss. Bofur leaned in to get a better look at the brewing battle.

"Well bless me, the legends are true! Giants! Stone Giants!"

"Get back you'll fall!" Is Thorin's demand and Bofur obliges with a look of utter awe cast back. to the giants in a 'fist fight'.

The moment is shattered like the ground they walk on when a cracking noise comes from the stone beneath their feet. The Company is split in two as the stone separates further and further until they realize they stand on a stone giant. Fili calls to his brother several times to grab his hand but their giant stands and is immediately head-butted by a rival.

"Hold on tight lad," Dwalin reaches an arm back to secure his hobbit to his back while leaning against the force of the wind and gravity as the fight rages.

"Master Dwalin, make it stop," Bilbo shuts his eyes and tightens his arms around Dwalin's neck, (he isn't strangling him I swear, plus kids think adults can solve everything, remember those days?... continue ^^)

As they fall back the other half of the group is able to run off onto another ledge while they're hurled back into the fight when the giant regains its footing. Their giant finally bashes the other back and it falls away, crumbling to pieces. When everyone's about ready to cheer with thoughts that they won't fall as well, another block-head throws a boulder at their giant and its head comes clean off.

The body sways endlessly before finally breaking and the Company is hurled at the stone wall.

<3<3<3<3<3

"No! No!" Thorin runs and has his half of the Company trailing after to see the damage dealt, and hopefully not the bodies.

They found the area of the impact and found everyone, for the most part, unharmed.

"Where's Dwalin?" Balin asked in a distant tone.

"Where's Bilbo?" Bofur scrambled about and they found a dwarf boot sticking out of a pile of rocks. "Dwalin! That you?"

"Yes, now get these rocks off!" Bofur, Dori, Nori, Gloin and Bifur went about digging Dwalin out of the rubble while the others looked about for any sign of their hobbit.

Dwalin was finally unearthed from the crumbling rock and huffed shaking off bits and pebbles from his coat, his arms crossed.

"Dwalin," Thorin began, and moved over to inspect his old friend for injuries, "are you well?"

"Fine-" and was about to continue when Bofur emerged, waving his arms about.

"Where is he? Was he with ye Dwalin? Where's the hobbit?" And continued to run about, checking under rocks for a certain wee hobbit child.

"I'm right here," and everyone turned to see Bilbo being clutched in Dwalin's chest, and nearly invisible except for his eyes and tips of his toes. With the hazy rain it would be nearly impossible to see him.

That's when Dori began his scolding, "Dwalin, you aren't holdin' him right!" and went to reach for Bilbo when Dwalin pulled back and turning slightly away.

"I'll let 'im out of my arms when we get ta shelter," And with that he turned on his heels and walked away from the Company for the second time in about four hours.

A few minutes later...

They arrived at a cave Nori and Bifur found and Dwalin still didn't let Bilbo go...

Until the leader of the Company told him to scout out the cave which he received a grunt in response.

"It looks safe enough,"

"Search to the back. Caves in mountains are seldom unoccupied." Another grunt however it is accompanied by a short nod and a careful placing of a hobbit on the floor.

"I'll be back," and he poked Bilbo in the nose, got his hand swatted away, and walked to the back of the cave with his axes unsheathed. It took a few minutes for him to return with news, "There's nothin' 'ere." He sat next to Bilbo who smiled up at him, albeit shakily.

"And now to check on you two," Oh great. Bilbo lost his smile and wanted to cry. It was the 'wise' old man. Dwalin promptly rose, made an excuse, and made to sit on the other side of the cave, out of the resident healer's reach...

Cowardly little-

"Can't you check on someone else? Dwalin took the fall more than me," He whined.

"Well ye still fell didn't ye? Come on then, let me look at ye," Oin sat directly in front of the child so there was no room for escape... Jerk. "Don't worry boy, I'll get to Dwalin in a moment, he hasn't escaped me yet, aye?"

Bilbo giggled and nodded, at least he wasn't going to suffer alone, but he also wasn't letting Oin anywhere near his feet.

"I'm not going near rain or mountains ever again..." Was said after a moment of being prodded and poked by a greying dwarf, moving his arms this way and that, tilting his head up and down, turning him side to side, checking his leg reflexes.

"Hmmmph," was the response but that was probably to the bruise and small cut on Bilbo's head. Once Oin wrapped it up, he gave a confirming nod and stood, "Well done Master Baggins, not gettin' yerself banged up too badly,"

Bilbo was about to retort that Dwalin's the one that broke his fall, thank you, when a mass of brown and blonde sent him sprawling on the dirty ground.

"Bilbo!" They cried.

"I survive mythical stone giants and then I'm crushed by dwarves-" Was his reply.

"We'll sleep by you again Master Boggins! No crushing from us!"

"It's Baggins!"

<3<3<3<3<3

Sleep may have come easily to Fili and Kili, who did sleep on either side of him. it was an exhausting day after all, however, the storm continued outside, and Bilbo still jolted awake endlessly from the feeling of descent and cold wrapped in his skin. The sense of falling and with each crack of thunder or light from lightning had him sitting upright and shaking.

So he maneuvered out of the limbs of the brothers and made his way to sit next to Bofur and the pile of their supplies. When he sat down and huffed, the dwarf actually jolted and looked over only to try and relax with a sigh.

"'snot nice to sneak and startle people in the night Master Baggins."

"Sorry," He started, while rummaging around the packs until he found his little sword and placed it on his lap and sighed himself, "I couldn't sleep."

"Oh aye, the storm's rather, loud isn'tit?" At a nod, Bofur decided to draw out a conversation with Bilbo, distract him from his surroundings, and maybe make him feel better, "So tell me some more about the Shire."

And Bilbo did, he felt like he went on for hours talking about hobbits, their ways, why the Shire's so green, why they love flowers there, their meals, their family clans.

It was a lovely distraction... until Bofur looked down and scrunched his eyebrows together.

"What's that?" the hobbit tilted his head over in question when he noticed where Bofur was looking. He looked to his lap and partially unsheathed his sword to see it was glowing blue. They looked at each other with wide eyes as Thorin called the others to wake.

And then they were falling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I posted! Anyway life's getting hella complicated up in this piece so I'll post when I can, once I get to Summer, I think I can post weekly for sure! Thank you all my lovelies! <3


	5. Oh Great

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chappie's less humor and more creepy. Isn't it Precious?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoo! It's almost summer! Now with fanart! Maybe... I can't see it really my computer's crap. I hope you see it :D

Bilbo didn't like it. The feeling of falling...

Of course, it wasn't a feeling like in a dream, he was really falling with jagged curves of a tunnel leading down, down, down into a mountain.

So far this whole adventure business was entirely undeserved and he pondered what deity he made so angry they decided to spite him. Maybe it was several. In any case he fell for what felt like hours, when in reality it was a few minutes. A few minutes of scrapes from sharper rocks, bruises from blunt ones, and collisions with the band of dwarves he was travelling with... Why was he here again?

After that time a light came from the bottom of the dark passage and they all fell into a bucket-like cage. Thankfully Bilbo landed to the side more and narrowly missed being squashed by the large Bombur and his ungraceful like fall. He felt a little more at peace with his sword still in his hands.

The moment of relative peace was short lived when a number of goblins swarmed their persons with clawed and grabbing hands. They screeched and growled when the dwarves refused to be taken swiftly and immediately and fought back. Once Ori was grabbed, it was like farmers herding cattle, pushing and shoving. It was down to the last five when Nori put his hands on Bilbo's shoulders and looked him dead in the eye.

"You have to find a way out," At a sputtering from the child, he continued, I'll keep you out of sight and when you think it's best to slip away, do it. Find a way out or just hide, we'll find you okay?" A small nod from Bilbo, and Nori hid him by placing his pack by his side and blanket over his shoulders so Bilbo could just walk along with him.

The rest were herded away and Nori was finally shoved along as well. As they made their way, goblins at the back stationed themselves on the side of the gathering rather than to keep pushing them forward so only three goblins remained in the rear of the ensemble. They came near a small gathering of what looked like equipment and baskets and Bilbo saw his chance. He crouched down to be level with them and slunk over a little ways to look like he belonged...

It was a terrible plan, however it worked. The 'escorting' of the dwarves went along and Bilbo looked up in time to see Nori incline his head to him, a relieved, albeit small smile on his face, before turning around to not arouse suspicion. They left his field of vision and Bilbo was terrified.

What was he supposed to do now? The dwarves were gone and Nori expected him to hide or run and leave. he didn't want to leave them! Nori said they could get away and find him though. Was there an exit nearby? A way out? He hadn't a clue, he fell down a hole into this place, maybe that was the only way out.

'Oh confound it all!' Bilbo stood up and swiveled his head around to check the area for any more foul creatures. After it looked clear he took a step forward only to hear a loud screeching and realize something.

He never looked up.

His head snapped up and a goblin came shooting down from its place on an upper level with a barbed dagger. It let out a shrill cry and lunged. He lifted his still sheathed sword to deflect the blow and tripped over a pile of wood as the goblin was reaching to claw his face. However its claw snagged one of his buttons and fell with him into a dark hole.

Not as if it didn't happen to Bilbo nearly five minutes ago... He only hoped something would break his fall again, or else he was truly doomed.

<3<3<3<3<3

During Bilbo's time with pondering about the Company, the dwarves were lead through the goblins' 'town' to a loud clanging and some grunting and chiseled noises from goblins surrounding them.

They were just reaching what seemed to be the center of their living space when they heard a resounding "Down, down, down in Goblin Town," across the cavern.

It seemed that they were trying to create a chorus... for a song?

...They were doing horribly, if this a goblin's version of music, they should just drag them all to Erebor and sing for the dragon within... It would surely kill him in a matter of minutes.

A few dwarves were deprived of their musing when their company halted at a large platform before the largest, and coincidentally, ugliest goblin of their time. A huge chunk of flesh acted as a beard for the thing and it swung about a large staff with an animals skull as it's mantelpiece. Just how fat was this thing? A number of boils and other such lumps littered his form and he swung one of his own servants from his staff and over the dwarves' heads.

He continued on, with what seemed to be a melody to the goblins, and finished with a dance-like twirl around to "Down, down, down in Goblin, Town-" He spun around a few more times before finally ending with a final note and making his way to his throne on stilts, crushing some goblins-for-stairs along the way.

He turned back to face the dwarves before him.

"Catchy, isn't it? It's one of my own," He seemed to search for the word for but a moment before adding, "compositions," He seemed very pleased with himself and flashed a disgusting grin before Balin's voice emerged.

"That's not a song. That's an abomination," when he finished there were indignant cries from the goblins, along with snarls while there were agreements from his traveling companions.

"Abomination! Deviation, mutation, that's all you're gonna find down here," With that he motioned with his staff and the dwarves were deprived of their visible weapons, equipment, and supplies. "Now, who would be so bold as to enter my kingdom?" Silence from the dwarves, "Spies? Thieves? Assassins?"

A goblin answered while its prisoners would not, "Dwarves your malevolence,"

"Dwarves?"

"Found 'em on the front porch."

"Well, don't just stand there! Search them!" The goblins swarmed them again, doing as instructed, "Every crack, every crevice," several more daggers, hidden axes, throwing knives, and an ear trumpet were removed from their persons. Some goblins went to the packs to dump them out and one was filled with candlesticks and silverware.

The goblin that spoke with its king earlier came up with a theory, "It's my belief your great retuberence, that they are in league with elves!" He handed over a candlestick which the king took and inspected.

"Made in, Rivendell," he scoffed and held it a little farther away, "Second Age. Couldn't give it away," He tossed it over the edge of the platform and a number of dwarves turned to Nori. Dori being the most unhappy, a scowl adorning his features, and his brother was seeing how to explain.

"...Just a couple o' keepsakes..." Taking on the most innocent voice he could muster. The Goblin King could care less and continued on with his interrogation.

"What are you doing in these parts?" Thorin was just stepping forward when a hand stopped him.

"Don't worry lads," He moved to take place in front of Thorin to further deter the dwarf from doing something stupid, like insulting their captors. "I'll handle this." He gave a tilt of his head in acknowledgement to the great goblin, who took a seat on his throne again.

"No tricks! I want the truth, words, and all."

Oin was not a happy dwarf at this point in time because he heard muddled versions of that, "Yer going to have ta speak up!" He raised up a chunk of metal, "Yer boys flattened ma trumpet,"

"I'll flatten more than your trumpet!" He made his way off the throne to tower over his captives. Bofur made his way in front of Oin to keep him out of the way, and hopefully distract the king with a little bit of a lie.

"If it's more information ya want I'm the one you should speak to!" The goblin halted and acknowledged him with a humph. Okay it was a complete lie, but he needed to stall. He looked around the cavern for a bit before answering with some chatter filled explanation. "We were on the road-" Cue a few minutes of stalling by what to call the road they were on," and then we weren't on the road like a path, like a track, and then we weren't," ahah he came up with something, good job Bofur, "Which is a problem, because..." He looks back to Dori, "we were supposed to be in Dunland last Tuesday..."

Dori gets the hint and put a hand on Bofur's shoulder, "Visiting distant relations," Bofur just nods while the Goblin King's just muttering under his breath by now.

"Some inbreeds on me mother's side-" And was promptly cut off by the annoyed voice of the Goblin King.

"SHUT. UP!" Silence descended again. "If they will not talk," a glare is sent to Bofur, who did his best to look innocent, "We'll make them squawk!" Cheers rang out in the cavern from the goblins and their leader continues, "Bring up the Mangler! Bring up the Bone Breaker!" He pointed into the group of dwarves in general and said, "Start with the youngest!"

Unfortunately, several dwarf heads look to the ground to spot where their young hobbit really is, in order to better protect him, only to find him absent. Nori tried to quietly inform everyone Bilbo got away and was trying to find a way out. Their goblin speaker saw this and snarled. "I believe there's another trespasser Majesty."

"What?" The Goblin looked down to the group and glared, "Well then, where is he?"

"He must have gotten away, Majesty,"

That was the wrong thing to say, that goblin found out as much when it was flung off the edge with a flick of its leader's staff.

"You fools!" He turned to the goblins surrounding the dwarves and glowered. He turned to a wall of goblins to the side, several dozens, and pointed to the passage they entered from. "Find the last one!" They screeched and speedily crawled along the walls and some hopped off on the wooden bridges to find the last member of the Company.

Nori just hoped Bilbo found a way out and was safely away from there.

<3<3<3<3<3

The young hobbit awoke to a throbbing in his temple. That wasn't the thing that hurt the most though. He felt a huge pressure on his chest and he opened his eyes and was met with complete darkness.

Why is it so dark? Surely there must be light somewhere? He blinked a few times to attempt to get his eyes adjusted. It seemed his fall was broken by something after all. he was facing down and he let his fingertips run over his cushion. It seemed a patch of mushrooms was his saving grace, and the source of discomfort to his chest. The space around him seemed to get a little more of a dark grey than a pitch black, so that must mean his vision was regulating.

Just as he was shifting to sit up, a grunting noise sounded to his right and found a shadowy figure lying down. He immediately flattened himself further into the pile but kept an eye on the creature that must be the goblin that fell with him. He looked about for his sword only to see the hilt jutting out on the other side of the mushroom wall.

Oh great.

Lovely.

Some great adventure.

He would have huffed in annoyance, or at his own slippery fingers when a heavy and stuttered breathing emerged from an opening in the caves wall up ahead. A new creature emerged and Bilbo had a feeling his eyesight was as good as it would get in his new surroundings.

He could see this thing. It was incredibly pale with gnarled and long fingers. A very boney figure, large feet, and a few long hairs attached to its head. He couldn't see the eyes per se, but he could certainly see its greyish tint like an animal from the wilds. It circled the goblin that fell like one too, examining it. He tried burying himself in the mushrooms further at that point. This thing was the stuff of nightmares some might say.

And Bilbo Baggins of the Shire would wholeheartedly agree with them. He could already tell he would have nightmares in the future because of this thing. He didn't see how it could get any creepier.

"Yes."

...Okay, it got creepier. And Bilbo decided once it was far enough away, he'd get his sword, and get out of there as fast as his feet would carry him.

"Yes. Yes. Yes!" It halted its movement for a moment, "Gollum. Gollum!" It stepped over the fallen goblin and moved to its feet. It began hauling the goblin away by its legs but was halted by its captive thrashing about. The creature found a rock and tried to deliver as many blows to its head as possible. After about the fifth hit, the goblin was unmoving again and tossed the rock to the side. It began to pull the goblin away and started muttering, "Nasty. Goblinses. Better than old bones precious. Better than, nothing."

It slunk out of view and Bilbo immediately made his way from the mushroom patch and grabbed his sword still in its sheath. He was most certainly not going to be following that creature. It just bashed a goblins head in with a rock! It was clearly dangerous.

Just like this whole bloody adventure. Nearly falling from mountains, almost getting crushed by those mountains, falling into a mountain, getting swarmed by goblins, and now. Oh, now, Bilbo fell further into a mountain with some unknown thing and he couldn't even see properly!

Wait. he unsheathed his sword and held it in front of him. Thank the Valar, it was illuminating the cave for him! The light from it reflected off something on the ground where the creature and goblin 'fought'. And there, on a bed of dark and rugged rocks, was a simple golden band.

The hobbit walked to it and bent to scooped it into his hand and examining it between his index finger and thumb. He turned it over again and again but saw nothing important on it, like an owner's initial, nothing. Just what was it doing all the way down there? Certainly someone cared for it once? Maybe he could keep it for a while-

Bilbo was brought out of his thoughts and almost instinctively hid away his new possession by an echoing voice, "Too many boneses precious! Not enough flesh! Shut up! Get its skin off. Start with its head."

Oh, absolutely not! He was most certainly not going, that-a-way, thank you! It would seem skin and a head were being removed and he would avoid that at all costs. He moved his sword to every corner of the cave he fell into and only found two ways out. Up. Or, the same way the creepiest thing he's ever seen in his little hobbit life went... Decisions. Decisions.

A loud screeching and scratching of stone came from above his head made the decision for him. Reluctantly, he followed the tunnel. As he made his way, he saw the new cave entrance held a little more light. He just stepped out of the tunnel and was met with a large underground lake. It rippled and shimmered and held a light all its own. At least he didn't need his sword to see here.

His musing was interrupted by a gravelly tune that was utterly fear inducing.

"The cold hard lands, they bites our hands, they gnaws our feet. The rocks and stones, they're like old bones, all bare of meat. Cold as death, they have no breath, it's good to eat!" He searched around for the voice to see if it was nearby. He found a shape like that of the creature from earlier in the middle of the water on a boulder, goblin still being beaten in the head with a rock. He ran over to the largest rock by the water and kept an eye on the creature, while hopefully out of sight.

The goblin throws its arms to defend itself again. How? That is a mystery. It's been hit in the head at least a dozen times and it's still moving. The creature didn't like that very much and just continued with what it was doing and after a few more good hits Bilbo noticed his sword's light flickering out. The light caught the creature's gaze and the hobbit pressed against the rock more as the light went out entirely.

The only source of light now was the water which didn't help Bilbo at all. He tried to prepare himself for a quick glance to where the altercation was but found the creature left its position.

His little hobbit heart couldn't take much more of this. He did a quick check of his surroundings and didn't see any shadows moving. He would have sighed in his small victory if it hadn't been for a heavy breathing from nearby.

Alright, he was going to have to start looking up more often. Everything that wanted to fight him would be above his head it seemed. Curse whichever being decided to make his life all the more difficult. Before he could tilt his head the creature landed in front of him, grinning like mad.

 

 

(Okay guys Bilbo isn't even a foot and a half tall, he is much smaller than Gollum. Just putting that out there ^^)

"Bless us and splash us precious! Is its even a mouthful?" It took a step toward the hobbit and without much thought, Bilbo put his sword to its throat. The thing looked startled for a moment. "Gollum. Gollum!" It scowled, looking back at the wielder of the blade as it took a step back, it certainly didn't seem threatening...

"Stay back. I- I don't want any trouble." Bilbo stuttered. Oh his little hobbit heart wasn't going to last much longer.

"It's got an elfish blade...But it's not an elfs," it stepped about the hobbit, unfazed and continued. "Not an elfs, no. What is it precious?" It halted. "What is it?" It spun around to face Bilbo and hissed.

Manners will always save your life, his father said not so long ago, he just hoped he was right.

"I, I'm Bilbo Baggins." His hands were shaking. Badly. Hopefully the creature, Gollum, as he decided to dub him, didn't notice.

"Bagginses?" It seemed to go over the name in its head and looked Bilbo in the eyes, "What is a Bagginses precious?"

"I'm a h-hobbit, from the Shire-"

"Oh! We like goblinses, batses, and fishes, but we hasn't tried hobbitses before!" It took a step toward the hobbit and then another, "Is it soft? Is it juicy?" Bilbo swung his sword and took more steps back.

"Stay back! I, I'll use this!" He jabbed it in Gollum's direction and received a snarl in reply. He tried to not sob and said "I don't want trouble." He could see his vision blurring and his eyes grew hot, he rubbed a sleeve over his eyes and continued with a sob and burning in his throat. "I just want out."

Gollum stopped scowling, "Why?" It took a step toward the hobbit, "Is it lost?"

Bilbo nodded and sniffed, "Yes and I want unlost as soon as possible." he wiped his eyes again.

Gollum almost looked guilty for a moment before smiling and exclaiming, "Oh we knows! We knows safe paths for hobbitses." He pointed out to the water, "Safe paths, in the dark! Shut up!" He hid himself behind a rock and snarled.

"I didn't- say anything-" Bilbo certainly didn't know what he did to deserve this but he hoped he wasn't about to be attacked.

Gollum showed his head and snarled out, "I wasn't talkin' to you!" He quickly retreated again but his voice seemed softer, "Well yes, we was precious, we was."

Forget his little hobbit heart. His little hobbit head couldn't take much more of this.

"I, I don't know what your game is-"

Gollum gasped and jumped on the rock in front of Bilbo, "Games? Oh we loves games doesn't we precious?" He looked to Bilbo again and went on, "Does it like games? Does it? Does it? Does it like to play?" It cackled like it told a particularly funny joke.

The hobbit thought for a moment and decided it was best to make Gollum happy rather than angry so he did what he thought was safest.

"Yes." That certainly pleased him. Gollum's face lit up and he seemed incredibly happy.

"What has roots as nobody sees, is taller than trees, up-up-up it goes, and yet, never grows?"

Oh it bloody well would be a riddle wouldn't it? Hobbits were fanatics when it came to them but he was seven! He only knew so many! He guaranteed if it wasn't for the dwarves, he could be learning the answer to this particular riddle at home! Not in some, dirty, slippery, disgusting-

"Mountain?" He surprised himself with that but was happy when Gollum laughed.

"Yes my precious! Oh let's have another one eh? Go on do it again. Do, do it again, ask us!" His face quickly frowned and shouted "No! no more riddles!" He turned away from Bilbo and continued muttering, "Finish 'im off, finish him now! Gollum. Gollum!" He hopped off the rock right in front of the hobbit and he would swear his heart stopped at that. He did however, come up with something to say that very well saved his life at that moment.

"No, I want to play! You're very good with riddles!" Gollum stopped and almost looked flattered and Bilbo continued. "Why don't we have a game of riddles. Just uh, just you and me yes?"

Gollum got right in his face, his breath nearly ending Bilbo's poor hobbit lungs, "Yes," He did a quick look around and faced him again, "Just, just us?"

Bilbo nodded, "Yes, and if I win, you help me get unlost yes?"

Gollum was nodding eagerly now, "Yes, yes-" he ended his answer with a growl and turned away,

"and if it loses? What then?"

"Well, if it loses precious, then we keeps it!" Gollum looked to Bilbo again and said, "If Baggins loses we keeps it!"

... He wasn't expecting that...

Gollum quickly turned around again and took a few steps away. "Keeps it? Keeps it! No, we eats it whole!"

Oh great. He was either to be eaten, a painful enough sounding experience, or, he was to be kept in a dark, dank mountain with a creature that seemed like it could never make up his bloody mind anyway! Perhaps he could sneak away...

"But precious! Bagginses likes games! Batses and fishes doesn't like games! We wants to keeps it!" Gollum threw a rock into the water at that point and snarled. Bilbo inched away from Gollum very slowly as to not draw attention.

"No we eats it! Two mouths to feeds? Its should be eats!"

"Precious! Bagginses isn't a mouthfuls yes? Hobbitses is small, we can keeps it precious!" Gollum threw another rock in the water in a rage.

"Fine!" He looked to the hobbit over his shoulder, who halted his retreat, and said, "If Baggins loses, we keeps it."

The hobbit just said, "Alright." At least he made up his mind. He put his sword back in its sheath and placed it on the rock nearby. Gollum ceased his snarling and seemed to smile and nod his head to Bilbo.

"Well Baggins first!" Bilbo went over all the few riddles he knew and tried to find a difficult one. Gollum seemed patient as he rested his chin on a rock in front of him.

"What's so weak, that saying its name breaks it?" Gollum tilted his head and started making faces. He would seem irritated, then ecstatic, then questioning, and finally skeptical.

"Quiet?" A frown and he grins, "Quiet! It's always quiets down here isn't it precious?" Bilbo just gave a nod and Gollum grew more serious. "Our turn," he began circling the hobbit again while speaking the riddle. "Voiceless, it cries. Wingless, flutters. Toothless, bites. Mouthless, mutters." he stops in front of Bilbo and he has to turn away.

"One moment," He moves over to the water and looks out at it, for anything that could help him.

"Oh, oh! We knows! We knows! Shut up!"

He watches the water move, trying his best to ignore the thing behind him. He takes a deep breath and watches the water ripple at a breeze. It whistled through the cavern and Bilbo smiled.

"Wind," more to himself than Gollum, before turning and smiling, "It's wind! I know it is!" Gollum growls and steps off the rock he was sitting on.

"Very clever, hobbitses," He continues advancing, "Very clever-" but Bilbo threw out a more difficult riddle his father told him.

"What can run but never walks, uh, often murmurs, never talks, has a mouth but never eats, has- has a bed but never sleeps?" Gollum halted and simply stared. He turned away and began muttering under his breath.

"runs, mouth, and a bed-"

"Well?" Bilbo asked.

Gollum looked over his shoulder again and slammed a hand on the stone below him, "It's nasty!" And turned away again.

"Do you give up?" Oh, was he hopeful now, maybe it wouldn't be so difficult to win! Then he could get out!

"Give us a chance precious! Give us a chance!" In frustration, Gollum began pounding the floor and snarling. He puckered his face up deeply, then suddenly opened his eyes wide as he got the answer. "Rivers! Rivers! Wet, running little rivers, we was in a rivers once wasn't we precious?" He began cackling again.

Bilbo couldn't help the sigh of disappointment but was distracted by a screeching that didn't sound far off. He got his sword from its sheath quickly and finally decided to look up for a change. Nothing visible, but just then, Gollum growled and Bilbo turned to the rock that was recently occupied before noticing his adversary's absence. He quickly began looking around again as Gollum spoke, his voice carrying in the cave.

"We have one for you. All things, it devours. Birds, beasts, trees, flowers. Gnaws at iron, bites at steel, grinds hard stones to meal. Answer us."

"One moment! I gave you plenty!" Bilbo repeated the riddle under his breath, "birds beasts, trees flowers. I don't know this." Terror ebbed its way up his spine at the knowledge he was about to lose at something any other hobbit would have won. What sort of hobbit loses at a game of riddles? None that are respectable for certain.

"Is it lost? Is it sad?" It nearly sounded cheerful that voice, which was not what Bilbo was feeling at all, but then the voice twisted and asked, "Is it alone? Gollum!" Hands try to grip Bilbo but he turned and backed away, a stray tear escaping his eye.

"Let me think! let me think!" He turned away and wiped at his eyes.

Gollum flashed a toothy smirk, "It's stuck. Bagginses is stuck."

He was going to lose. The dwarves wouldn't search for him, they wouldn't find him, they'd think he left and got away, and then they'd leave so they'd be on-

"Time's up." Gollum lifted his hands up and sent a sneer at Bilbo, he walked closer but was caught off guard when the hobbit said,

"Time," Bilbo spun around with a smile on his face, "The answer's time!" Gollum growled and slammed a fist into a nearby rock. "That wasn't too bad." The hobbit sniffled and rubbed a sleeve under his eyes and Gollum turned to face him again, looking far more angry than ever before.

"Last question, Bagginses." He took a step forward and sneered, "Last chance."

"Okay," Bilbo was thinking extremely hard about the last one, as Gollum said, last chance.

"Ask us," He blinked and smiled but lost it to a frown, "Ask us!"

"Yes, okay! Alright." Bilbo fumbled with the last one and racked his brain for just one more difficult riddle. He slowly reached to his pocket that held his new possession and frowned. What could he ask? Gollum obviously stayed in the mountain often. What could he ask? Gollum said ask a question. Not tell a riddle. Should he ask him what he's got in his pocket? No. That seemed like an awful idea. Plus, he never wanted Gollum to get his hands on what was rightfully Bilbo's. What could he ask then? Gollum was alone. Was there a riddle for that?

There was!

"What belongs to you, but is used by others?"

Gollum's face grew dark, "That's no fair! It's no fair! There isn't others down heres! Ask us another one!" Gollum literally started pouting, and that in and of itself was victory enough for Bilbo.

"You said ask a question, that's my question!" Gollum threw himself off the rock and landed right in front of Bilbo. The guy needed to learn about a lovely thing called personal space.

"Three guesses precious! Baggins must give us three!" He held up two fingers but oh well. Good enough for Bilbo.

"Okay three, guess away!"

"Foods!"

"Wrong. Guess again." Gollum starts panicking and throws things around.

"Fish-bones, goblin teeths, wet shells, bats wings," he turns to Bilbo and yells, "Knife! No! Shut up!"

Bilbo takes a step back.

"Wrong again. Last guess."

It seemed Gollum ran out of ideas and just shouted the first thing that came to mind. "String!" But spun around and pointed accusingly at Bilbo, like he'd lied, "Or nothing!"

And now Bilbo smiled. "Two guesses at once. Wrong both times!" And while the hobbit did a little mental happy dance, Gollum fell to the ground and sounded like he started crying. "Okay, I won. You promised to show me out."

Gollum stopped and lifted his head from the ground and glared with bared teeth at Bilbo, "Did we say so precious? Did we? Say so?" He got onto all fours and snarled at the hobbit, "What's the answer?"

"That doesn't matter. You. Lost." Gollum took a step forward and Bilbo a step back.

"Lost?" Another step. "Lost? Lost?" He reached to what he probably deemed clothing and froze. "Where is it? Where is it? No! Where is it! No! No! Curses and splashes!" He rummaged around the cave for rocks, bones and even into the underground lake crying out, "The precious is lost!"

"What did you lose?" What could it be panicking over so much?

"Mustn't ask us! Not its business! No! Gollum. Gollum!" He went over to the water and stared into it, looking distant and broken.

Okay, new plan. This isn't going anywhere, make him happy and then get out in the general direction he pointed earlier!

"Maybe if you tell me what it looks like I can help find it." That got Gollum's attention certainly and he peered over his shoulder at the hobbit. Almost trying to measure and see if he was lying. "If you want..."

Gollum is immediately in front of him and moving his hands this way and that.

"Its shiny! Smalls and pretty, shiny, it's our precious!"

Bilbo tried to look like he understood and immediately realized the ring in his pocket belonged to Gollum... But he wouldn't give it to him. He didn't deserve it. Shouldn't have dropped it in the first place. So he widens his eyes and looks at Gollum instead.

"Actually, I saw something like that over there." He points to where he arrived from. "I can't see too well so maybe you could see for yourself?"

"Yes! Yes! See we told you precious! We should keep Bagginses! Not eats it! Or lets it get away..." Gollum trailed off once he got out of earshot, and when he disappeared completely, Bilbo ran for it. He ran along the edge of the water and took many twists and turns until he found an opening in the cave wall. Once he was about to just take his chances he heard "Baggins!"

...Yep! He was definitely taking his chances! He ran and ran and ran.

His little hobbit heart was just going to have to cope.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2,000 extra words! I hope it's okay. :/ This chapter deleted itself like twice and I may or may not have almost broken my laptop in my fit of rage... But it's okay! It's not broken :D comments and kudos make this story get put up faster!


	6. Bofur, Bless Him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Runnin' runnin' and runnin' runnin'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shorter chapter but bare with me I had a graduation and stuff that needed to get done. Chill.

Okay, but really? How was that considered singing? Just because they pound some sticks on some flattened sheets of metal, made some sort of gargling sounds to the noise, did not make it music. And the "singing" from the Goblin King already seemed like torture enough.

"Bones will be shattered! Necks will be wrung! You'll be beaten and battered! From racks you'll be hung! You will die down here, and never be found! Down in the deep of Goblin-town!" ... To be fair, it was certainly a threatening... "tune"

The most threatening thing to happen though, was that a few minutes earlier the Company of Thorin Oakenshield was told that a certain Defiler's days weren't over... and a certain leader of the company had a price on his head with nothing attached... Delightful.

It also didn't help that the goblins decided to go through their stuff while the torture devices were being brought up. One goblin going through weapons found an interest in inspecting the swords and got to Thorin's. The screech echoed and the goblin dropped Orcrist as if burned and the outcry from the others was deafening. They immediately started beating their captives while the Great Goblin stumbled back panicked.

"I know that sword! It is the Goblin-Cleaver, the Biter, the blade that sliced a thousand necks!" The goblins began separating the dwarves as the Goblin King continued. "Slash them! Beat them! Kill them! Kill them all! " He pointed to Thorin, "Cut off his head!"

Goblins swarmed the dwarven king and held him down, and one of them pulled out his knife and prepared to behead Thorin. Suddenly, there was a massive explosion of bright light. A shockwave ripped through the area, flinging goblins in the air and destroying the torturing machines. Everyone was knocked down, including the Great Goblin. When the light faded, most of the torches in the area had been snuffed out.

A shadow with a tall pointy hat walked forward. It was Gandalf, holding his staff and his sword, Glamdring, which shone a light blue. Light slowly returned to the area as the goblins and the dwarves slowly looked up, recovering from the shock. They all stare at Gandalf.

The goblins in fear of the devastation from the being.

The dwarves?

... Just what in the name of Mahal took the damn wizard so long?!

"Take up arms. Fight." The dwarves were still fuming at him taking so long to finally show up. Gandalf was just questioning if their thick skulls made it difficult for them to hear. "Fight!"

Ah, see? That got them moving. Gandalf began slicing through a first wave of goblins that rushed him as the dwarves picked up their weapons and dealt powerful blows to any attacker attempting to swarm them.

"He wields the Foe-Hammer! The Beater!" The Great Goblin shouted while pointing to Gandalf. Nori had just gotten to the weapon pile before he was pushed over and the Goblin King readied to kill him.

"Nori!" Thorin ran over and deflected the Goblin King's strike and sent him stumbling back off of the large platform.

Gandalf looked back to them after beheading a goblin. "Follow me quickly." Still moving slowly... "Run!" Ahah. They started moving again.

Good job Gandalf. They began running through the tunnels and on wooden bridges weaving their way through the inhabitants of Goblin-Town.

Now to lead them out...But first.

"Where is Bilbo? Where is the hobbit!"

"...Uh," Gandalf probably would have face-palmed if he didn't have to decapitate another goblin. The mountain air grew heavy and thick as the wizard did his best to not light every living creature in the vicinity on fire.

The dwarves had some explaining to do...

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Bilbo had been running for his life for what felt like hours. He stumbled on a rock and hit head first into a wall. The quiet in his ears ceased and a ringing began, Bilbo tried looking around for the source but only succeeded in seeing a droplet of something fall from his eyebrow. He lifted a hand to his head and a dark and sticky substance was on his fingertips.

He did his best not to panic but he was breathing heavily already and just trying to get as much air in his lungs as possible. He'd been running for so long... and his chest was starting to hurt, like no air would come to him. After some time Bilbo caught some breath and looked about again for some kind of place to go.

Which way was out? Follow the wall right or follow it left?

A snarl echoed off the walls and his decision was made. Right was a lovely direction anyway... Right?

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The dwarves sensed much agitation from the wizard and instantly, blame was placed.

"I thought he was with Dori!"

"Don't blame me!" He responded in kind, albeit out of breath since they were still running through a goblin hive.

"Well where did you last see him?!" Gandalf just sent a rock tumbling down an incline that was part of the mountain, crushing goblins beneath it as the company continued after it. Soon, they approached a bridge between two walls of the cavern. As they tried to run across it, the Great Goblin suddenly broke through from underneath the bridge and pulled himself up onto the bridge in front of the Company. As the Company paused, hundreds of goblins approached them from all sides.

The Goblin King sneered, "You thought you could escape me?" and swung his skull- staff at Gandalf causing him to stumble back and be pushed back up by Thorin and Dwalin. "What are you going to do now wizard?"

Alright Gandalf wasn't in a good mood so instead of a one act kill it had three.

A jab in the eye with his staff for the hobbit not staying safe in Rivendell. That earned an "ow, ow, ow."

A slice across the gut for the dwarves losing that hobbit in a cave filled with goblins. Which earned a delayed, "That'll do it."

And a final cut to the throat and The Great Goblin fell, because now Gandalf had to run back and find the hobbit once he dealt with the dwarves. And then the bridge they stood on creaked and moaned beneath their feet and then they fell with it into the depths of the mountain.

Several dwarves, although they wouldn't admit it if asked, screamed. Fili and Kili are such dwarves however they had a good hug with each other during the fall. Kili may or may not have been laughing on the way down because hey, they weren't dead right?

They finally slowed down and the bridge hit the ground, hard, and Bofur, bless him the little optimist, "Well that could have been worse!"

The Great Goblin's corpse had other thoughts and landed on them instantly crushing them together. Dwalin was in a sour mood indeed, "You've got ta be joking!" As the dwarves tried to get themselves freed Kili looked back up and he allowed his eyes to widen.

"Gandalf-" He trailed off and looked to the wizard. The wizard peered back at him but didn't raise his eyes to the swarm of goblins above, only thinking about how he'd have to find another way up to look for a little hobbit probably hiding in a crevice in a wall somewhere.

"Dwalin grabbed Oin from the busted wooden planks, "There's too many. We can't fight 'em."

Gandalf finally tilted his head back and it immediately snapped back down to the dwarves. "Only one thing will save us. Daylight! On your feet!" Dwarves pushed and shoved each other up and forward to follow the wizard. Maybe there was another way out. They ran and it seemed Gandalf was done with the subject of their hobbit's whereabouts and after a while the dwarves finally stopped after about twenty minutes of running when he brought it up again.

"Explain quickly. We must move soon." Gandalf demanded.

"Last i saw him was when they just got us," Gloin stated.

"Aye, me too." Fili added.

There were several nods of agreement and the wizard sighed. "Did anyone see him later? Which way he went? Or did he just get lost to all of you at the same time?"

"No. I saw him slip off when they started leading us off." Nori finally got to say. Everyone looked at him when he spoke up, some with a relieved expression, some positively thunderous.

"He would be fine if he was with us! Now he's still lost in there?"

Nori allowed an eye twitch, "How were we to know? It was run or get caught by goblins!"

The Company quickly became divided some for keeping Bilbo with them, and some saying it was wiser to let him go because they hadn't known what would have happened.

Gandalf finally got his chance and he face-palmed. Bits of the argument seeping through his mental barrier.

"-no one knew-"

"-probably fell-"

"-it's not Nori's-"

"-no one else-"

"Enough!" Thorin shouted, "Although it would be easier if our hobbit was here now, he isn't. It was with the best intentions he is now lost, for now," He added louder because honestly, his companions thought he'd just leave him in a goblins' mountain? "For now we must go, the goblins are nearing, we can only hope he found a way out, for now."

Once he finished goblin cries sounded through the cave tunnels and the dwarves began running again.

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So far Bilbo had been right in going right. He found a small opening that lead to a larger space that he could fit through. He thought Gollum wouldn't be able to fit through, with any luck. He'd had luck so far in the darkness of Gollum's cave, he hoped it held out.

He slunk through easily and found another opening. He continued through that and began running again. It seemed like there was a little light up ahead and he truly wanted it to lead to a way out of the darkness.

He continued running but heard what sounded like a rock falling and he looked back. As he looked back he saw empty space and turned his head forward again only to run into a very solid mass.

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The goblins seemed to be falling behind, thank Mahal. There was light ahead and Gandalf moved the dwarves in front of him to ensure they'd all get out, during head count, Kili stumbled a bit and looked down.

"Bilbo!" He shouted, catching the attention of the Company who all followed his line of sight to see that, in fact, a hobbit child was sitting there. Said hobbit looked up from the ground he was on to Kili who picked him up with a hand under each armpit and set him standing again.

"Bilbo Baggins!" The wizard started but then couldn't go through with his lecture when he was looked at with the puppy eyes. He was a sucker leave him alone. "I have never been so glad to see anyone in my life." Which he received a small smile.

Bilbo was just too relieved and hugged the dwarf presented. Kili noticed a red line running down Bilbo head and cried out, "Bilbo! Your head! Did I do that?"

"I know!" He instantly released and drew back slightly, "No you didn't Kili-"

He would have finished if a blonde counterpart to Kili didn't snatch him up and nearly crush him in an embrace. "How on earth did you get past the goblins?" Fili semi-twirled him about before Bilbo started kicking and he released him.

Once Bilbo got some air in his lungs again he opened his mouth to answer when, "Baggins!" and he went still. It came from behind him, in the cavern he just ran out of. All of the dwarves looked to the darkness and Bilbo turned his head incredibly slowly and peered over his shoulder to see a shadow moving forward, no, backwards, and two milky orbs glinting in the distance.

A snarl came from it and it charged forward. Bilbo began shoving the dwarves to the light not too far off. "Weren't you running before? Go!"

"It's ours! Baggins!" Bilbo is immediately off his feet and being ran out into the light filled tunnel. The light got brighter and brighter until the Company was finally outside and breathing clean and crisp air.

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Once they ran past at least five hundred trees, Bilbo was set down and he found out his carrier was Bifur. It seemed everyone but Bilbo was officially out of breath and at least he regained his. About half the Company were leaning against trees, a few, the princes and Bifur had hands on their knees and were inhaling as much air in their bodies as possible.

There were five that weren't completely out of breath, Bilbo included, well, maybe four, but Oin counted as not completely out of breath because he immediately walked to Bilbo and fussed over the torn bandages and head wound. The other three were Gandalf, but he had a hand on his hip and was leaning on his staff, either about to lecture or a sign he was actually catching breath. Thorin, but his chest was heaving, Bilbo could tell even with his arms crossed over his chest. Dwalin, the mirror of Thorin at the moment.

Apparently Oin lost most of his medicines in Goblin-Town so he settled for wiping away the blood on Bilbo's head with a wet cloth and rewrapped the cleanest part of his bandage around his head again. He huffed, clearly not pleased, and went to see to everyone else.

Bilbo placed a hand to his head and instantly retracted hissing, it stung plenty to be sure. He looked over to Oin but saw Fili and Kili in his side vision slowly moving away from the healer and finally plopped down on either side of the hobbit. Without much warning, Bilbo was being crushed in a hug between the two princes who rocked back and forth with him.

Bilbo could only ask, "Why me?" in as saddened a tone as he could muster. For added effect, he gazed to the sky as if searching for an answer from one of the Valar. The moment didn't last too long when something else caught everyone's attention. Gandalf the Grey, The Wandering Wizard, The Grey Pilgrim, Disturber of the Peace, walked right up to Thorin Oakenshield, grabbed him by the ear, and lead him off into the trees.

Everyone blinked once. Twice. And then Bofur, bless him, "20 septims says we'll need a new leader once Gandalf's done with 'im." And then the betting pool started.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter should be up by the end of the week.


	7. A few days precious! A/N IMPORTANT

I apologize again but it's informative,

I'M WORKING ON THE NEXT CHAPTER :D

Hopefully I'll have it up in a couple of days, for any beautiful people out there who are waiting for this, thank you first of all, you beautiful gems I love you and apparently I can't make hearts anymore, (I'm calling bs btw...)

Anywho I love you all,

Wolf


	8. I'm so fuckin' sorry

I'm scum at this point.

 

I don't know if I'll continue this, I've fallen out of the fandom and can't seem to weasel my way back in.

 

This story is on hiatus unless I can convince my friend or myself to continue it. Sorry about this guys :/

**Author's Note:**

> I hope I did okay ;-;  
> Tell me please?


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